Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to deal with an angry narcissist?

3 replies

summerfinn · 13/05/2023 23:08

Advise please as a very sensitive person I'm having huge problems trying to cope with a family member that unfortunately I have to see most days for the time being. They are highly selfish and narcissistic. When I have confronted them on their awful behaviour towards me and my children they become aggressive towards me and defensive. They Will literally ruin my life if they feel I'm picking them up on their bad behaviour. Unfortunately I can't go no contact right now but how do I deal with them to protect myself . I'm finding it hard to just forget about their bad behaviour which happens almost daily and not being able to even politely ask them not to be that way. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown at this stage. Advice please ( don't say just don't see this person, this 100% isn't an option right now)

OP posts:
Theypickedhim · 13/05/2023 23:11

Search Grey Rock

summerfinn · 13/05/2023 23:44

Theypickedhim · 13/05/2023 23:11

Search Grey Rock

Thank you. That's really great advice. That method makes so much sense .

OP posts:
DaughterLaFontaine · 14/05/2023 00:03

Not quite the same as it's a work situation - but it is someone I wasn't able to get rid of for years (and: I guess I was just too stubborn to quit a job I otherwise loved over them):

Eventually found myself crying in a corner - literally - about someone whom I outrank and outperform easily. For the sole reason that they had some powerful backers. I couldn't do it for myself - that's just not my level of self-confidence - but I couldn't and wouldn't take them hurting people I felt responsible for.

So I chose the war path! I went out, sought allies, went to battle ... and I won!

Now, my overarching point is not that! It's the following: I took it all, I took a lot more than I should have in the first place - and I hurt myself and allowed for others to get hurt in the process. The moment I was ready to fight back with all I had was the moment I stopped caring! I was, literally, ready to throw it all out of the window: a great career, financial security, a friendship network, a reputation that I had spent decades building. I was genuinely ready to toss it all over board, move somewhere else and start from scratch.

It was THIS that gave me the courage and the strength to finally fight back! It took the utter nonchalance of "so what, if I lose? I'm about to throw it all away, anyway! So I may as well go 'all in' on my final attempt!"

I can only recommend that you find your exit plan, OP. Yes, it may include huge personal sacrifices. But, for me at least, knowing I had other options was what eventually gave me the courage to push back with a vigour that meant I didn't even need my "plan B".

Long story short: figure out how you could get out - even if it meant burning bridges, leaving others behind, or risking it all. It's liberating, and it'll put you in a much, much stronger position to fight back.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread