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Original poster

In-laws

16 replies

mel0679 · 13/05/2023 21:19

Can someone tell me why my mother in law won't ever visit our house without her daughters daughter (her granddaughter). We have 2 children that they rarely see. We invite mother and father in law over for dinner or breakfast and they constantly turn up with their other granddaughter. It is driving me insane. Nothing against their granddaughter but I just find it so rude and odd? Any ideas please? Husband also baffled and can't work out why they keep turning up with her?!

OP posts:
rainraingoawaay · 13/05/2023 21:29

Are they her default childcare at the moment? Is the mum struggling so they're taking on some of the load? Perhaps if they haven't said there's something a bit more too it?

Weird one though! Can your DH ask at all?

Original poster
mel0679 · 13/05/2023 21:38

@rainraingoawaay yes she does do a lot of childcare for them... and the ML always makes a comment like oh I thought id give DD a break... NO! You've come to see your other grandchildren and we invited you and FL over!! It's so aggravating now!! DH isn't very close to them so feels awkward to say anything but just says he is finding it annoying and baffled as to why they keep bringing her.

Not like we can say don't keep bringing her but it should just be common sense.

OP posts:
Whichnumbers · 13/05/2023 21:41

just invite FIL round

Mari9999 · 13/05/2023 21:53

Maybe they are trying to foster a relationship among their grandchildren. Does 1 more child add extra cost to the meal? Do the children not enjoy spending time together?

You can make your in-laws aware of your feelings , but do you anticipate something positive coming from that kind of share? Maybe they feel that they are given more access to the grand daughter without the constant presence and oversight of the parents. In essence, they may feel that they are trusted with the grand daughter but have to be watched over when in the company of your children.

Why not ask them to babysit for brief period of time?

Lizzt2007 · 13/05/2023 21:59

So your niece? Why do you refer to her as your Pil's granddaughter, she's your niece. Sounds like you don't have any type of relationship with your niece, and maybe PIL are trying to encourage a link between your children and their cousin, your niece.

Original poster
mel0679 · 13/05/2023 22:00

@Mari9999 thanks for replying. Absolutely nothing to do with costs or food. Just feel it's rude to keep doing it and them not ever having any time with our children without their other granddaughter.

Also agreed that nothing positive would come from us saying something. Just wish they would realise its really annoying

OP posts:
Original poster
mel0679 · 13/05/2023 22:02

@Lizzt2007 yes, definitely doesn't feel like my niece but she is. Agreed we don't see them often but even more reason for PILs to want to have a bit of time with ours on their own?

OP posts:
Starlitestarbright · 13/05/2023 22:03

It's your niece your dc cousin. Sil isn't the best mother and mil has taken on the motherly role we wouldn't begrudge our neice coming and seeing the kids. You don't sound very pleasant tbh.

Starlitestarbright · 13/05/2023 22:04

You sound jealous over a little girl who by the sounds of it doesn't have an active mum

Dartmoorcheffy · 13/05/2023 22:04

She's your children's cousin. It's quite normal for cousins to meet and be friends. You don't sound welcoming.

Original poster
mel0679 · 13/05/2023 22:05

@Dartmoorcheffy clearly I am too welcoming

OP posts:
Truestorypeeps · 13/05/2023 22:08

It would annoy me to as they don't get the one on one time with your children. Perhaps if they are doing a lot of the caring, they are exhausted with spending time with children and they hope by bringing your niece that all the children will play together and they can have some adult company? If your husband isn't close to them and they keep doing this and it's annoying you, why invite them at all?

Tothepoint99 · 13/05/2023 22:12

mel0679 · 13/05/2023 21:19

Can someone tell me why my mother in law won't ever visit our house without her daughters daughter (her granddaughter). We have 2 children that they rarely see. We invite mother and father in law over for dinner or breakfast and they constantly turn up with their other granddaughter. It is driving me insane. Nothing against their granddaughter but I just find it so rude and odd? Any ideas please? Husband also baffled and can't work out why they keep turning up with her?!

I get your frustration here OP. It doesn't happen to me, but if it did it would frustrate me without any background/context?

What are the ages/sex of the 3 children?

AssertiveGertrude · 13/05/2023 22:17

I think she wants them both to play and also she uses the child to break a bit of a barrier as it sounds awkward (I’m not criticising) but by bringing the child she has ‘her’ little one with her. It is a bit controlling too isn’t it.

SquaresandStarlings · 14/05/2023 01:29

Mari9999 · 13/05/2023 21:53

Maybe they are trying to foster a relationship among their grandchildren. Does 1 more child add extra cost to the meal? Do the children not enjoy spending time together?

You can make your in-laws aware of your feelings , but do you anticipate something positive coming from that kind of share? Maybe they feel that they are given more access to the grand daughter without the constant presence and oversight of the parents. In essence, they may feel that they are trusted with the grand daughter but have to be watched over when in the company of your children.

Why not ask them to babysit for brief period of time?

I think it is maybe this.

My in-laws only visit when they travel to our town to visit their best friends and visit us at the end.

My DH has a complicated relationship with his mum and always gets hurt by this.

But I see it as, because DH is a bit remote from them, they always need to include us as part of something else.

I would never say that to DH btw.

Original poster
mel0679 · 19/05/2023 20:13

Thanks all for replying! I just still can't understand why they do it every time!

OP posts:
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