Should I be worried

[Eurovisionwatcherbecauselol]

I have been married 4 years, together 8years, we are very happy in our relationship.

Due to my past I find it hard to trust, I check phones etc, to which my husband is happy for me to do so..

Over the past 12/18 months I have found sexy videos from tictok (following them etc) and caught him watching once too. Confronting he apologised and deleted tictok.

Then I find emails from women offering meet ups etc (could be pop ups /scams etc). He doesn't know how or why he gets, or does he?

Lastly a woman on Fb sent him a picture of her private parts. It broke me he was adamant he didn't know why and again deleted FB off his phone (though sometimes logs in to see what's, going on etc with friends family)

I struggle to let it go in my head, I don't say much, sometimes I make remarks to him seeing someone etc and he's so convincing(sincere) it's hard to think he would be unfaithful..

Also we havnt made love since Christmas of 2021,we were alway very close and tactile but we've drifted emotionally and physically, I feel its my doing as I can't get all these things out of me head..
If I ask him he says he doesn't know why they were on his phone and that he only wants me etc,

I know this message seems all over the place, that's how my head is over it all, I feel I need an outsider to tell me what they think..

Can I just say without being harsh but you'll never meet a man who doesn't watch porn. X

What’s his view on the lack of sex?

His lack of sex is his choice.. I've not bothered after asking (begging) and getting knocked back since December 2021, which I excepted so to see he was searching for it hurt me, we still get on well but no longer as lovers, which breaks my heart, but I won't beg to be knocked backed again and again.
I've not looked at his phone since one of his female friends sent a picture of her lady parts to him with a sexual comment, what more could I find on his phone after this? Hence why I don't bother looking... The damage is done on both parts I guess.
I know we probably have no future but that kills me as I do love him so much. But I feel I'm taken for a fool, and the one thing he promised he'd never do?

Another 'worry' is he said he'd never do a night away with work but now he is, albeit the once, but still it's happened..

Whilst I'm broke hearted I can move on from this,Ive had worst happen to me,
Only thing different is I genuinely thought it was different this time 😒

Sorry but the likelihood of a woman sending an unsolicited photo of her vagina is 99.9% unlikely. There’s a reason why she’s sent it - they’ve probably been sexting and he’s asked her to send it .

Women are very rarely like men who send dick pics - there will almost certainly have been a lead up.

You have a very wiped idea of what a happy relationship is.

Two years without sex, checking of partners phone and demanding someone doesn't go away for work?

How could you think this is a good relationship?

2 years without sex is his choice not mine?
I have not checked his phone in ages, I didn't do it constantly it was very rarely.
The 'demand on him not working away' was again something he said to me at the start of our relationship, not me demanding it???
Yes I have been destroyed in a past relationship but I haven't been a car crash of a woman in this ome.
He (we) speak fondly of our relationship, marriage etc even now, that's what's so strange, but that's why I feel I'm being played a fool , but I appreciate I could be all wrong, I don't know anything anymore, everything he says and does seems sincere but why the..
Lack of sex(I want /need this)
The woman's photo(back on FB when said wouldn't)
The ticktock (still on,)
The emails(could be innocent random ones)
The porn (not an issue by itself as we could watch together!)
The overnights (again wouldn't have been an issue if he hadnt said he'd never do now he was with me)
But maybe it's me looking for things that aren't there!
The FB pic was the one that has really made me think there's 'something'

Thank you everyone who haven't been too harsh on me 😔

@kate1996
Not all men watch porn.

*This statement is not a judgment on porn.

Darling I'm not trying to be harsh on you or blame you.

I'm suggesting that there's a lot of evidence that suggests your "this is a happy relationship" is a bit blinkered.

You also seem to blame him for the problems in the relationship and be feeling very defensive.

If you want to save the marriage you're going to need to feel strong enough to understand what he wants and what he's feeling.

Together you're going to have to be more honest with each other.

Why would he have promised not to go away with work? That's not normal and to me suggests in a few ways he's had to work around your insecurities.

Now he's communicating that he's checked out in a very unhealthy and passive aggressive way.

It's clear he's looking to you to be the one strong and honest enough to address this can of worms.

But please understand...this has had It's problems for at least a couple of years.

You are grieving a toxic fantasy and your hypervigilance is a result of the cognitive dissonance generated by the 'switch' from being idealised then discarded.

The volume of humiliation you are experiencing is becoming increasingly abusive.

Run and don't look back.

He has the need for physical intimacy as well. So hes probably been having sex

I have a need too? I wasn't the one who stopped wanting it???
He just said when we got together that he didn't want to work away again, he not my doing or suggesting...
Not defensive just don't know what to do, as he has backed off from sex, not me.

Its a real mixed bag of replies so hard to know which is best tbh