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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What’s going on here? Early stage relationship

33 replies

Futurequestion · 13/05/2023 14:49

I’ve been seeing a lovely guy for 5 months. It felt like heaven - we were falling for each other fast, it was so romantic and felt good. We have been having serious talks about the future. Something changed a month ago though, after he came back from a trip to visit his daughter who lives abroad, and when he started a promotion at work. He’s been very stressed with work and couldn’t see me much one week. I thought he was going off me and suggested if he’d like to break up as I felt his feelings were gone. He agreed but then immediately said no of course not, we can work this out, I’ve been feeling disconnected but that’s because of stress and I’m enthused by our future together. Since then he’s still been busy with work, I still see him, and we’ve started talking about moving in together around the one year mark and booking a holiday soon. But I don’t know - things still feel like they’ve changed. It’s less romantic and all lovey dovey. He hasn’t said he loves me in a month. I can’t bring myself to ask him if he does as I wouldn’t be able to handle a no right now. Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
Futurequestion · 15/05/2023 23:54

bluebell34567 he’s in his 40s
been married once
two long term relationships
a child from the marriage when he was young
until his promotion recently, he was the perfect guy

OP posts:
Nobsandnockers · 16/05/2023 00:01

I would wonder what changed in the week away?

BadNomad · 16/05/2023 00:56

Hopefully this is just projection, but when my ex did the whole "I'm so tired, I'm so stressed with X, Y and Z, I need to sort my head out" he was cheating and he was wanting me to end things so he wouldn't be the dick.

gannett · 16/05/2023 07:25

If I was stressed at work and someone I'd only known for 5 months pulled a dramatic "so do you want to BREAK UP" hissy fit because I was a bit more withdrawn, I would run an absolute mile.

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 16/05/2023 08:14

Nobsandnockers · 16/05/2023 00:01

I would wonder what changed in the week away?

Realised his new girlfriend is too needy? Realised things are actually moving very fast and he wants to ensure his child is his first priority? It happens all the time, a bit of time apart gives a moment for reckoning.

Livelifelaughter · 16/05/2023 08:16

Futurequestion · 15/05/2023 23:31

No, not insecure

he’s completely changed

and I don’t think it’s all work, and even if it is, it doesn’t feel good

he said he doesn’t know what to do
when I suggest he may be depressed or anxious, and to see his doctor, he shuts it down

earlier he said he’s toxic and brings everyone down and he’s not good in relationships

of course I get work stress etc I’ve had it many times in my life

he says I’ve been perfect, kind, understanding and patient with him

This sounds very difficult for you.
I have been in a relationship like this, it's hard to think whether it is really work or the situation rather than unhappiness in the relationship. What's harder or at least I found it to be was the feeling that even with my support he didn't feel better.
In the end my bf ended things because he felt he couldn't give the relationship what I needed. I was am truly devestated. I hope this doesn't happen to you. Please protect your heart and feel free to DM me if you need support.

Futurequestion · 16/05/2023 08:30

Livelifelaughter this is what I’m worried will happen
even tho it’s only been 5 months, this guy is special to me
sorry to hear about your experience

OP posts:
Livelifelaughter · 16/05/2023 08:34

Futurequestion · 16/05/2023 08:30

Livelifelaughter this is what I’m worried will happen
even tho it’s only been 5 months, this guy is special to me
sorry to hear about your experience

I know he's special to you, it's so clear from your posts. I so hope I am wrong. Anyway, big hug.

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