What’s a healthy relationship?

[MamaBear9420]

My dad was never in my life, I was sexually abused, raped, physically abused, assaulted and all sorts by men in my life so I’ve never had an healthy outlook on relationships now I’m 28 with a beautiful 10 month old baby but not in a very healthy relationship but it’s the best I’ve had so I’m holding on and don’t know how to let go. But what is a healthy relationship? I’ve never seen one or been in one to know what to expect and not to expect? I feel like I take things because they’re not as bad as what I’ve been through and I feel safer but ik somewhere deep down this isn’t healthy as when I put up posts or ask questions people tell me these things aren’t normal but for me they’re not so bad because I’ve been through worse? Is it possible to be in a healthy relationship and how is it supposed to be?

It should be a partnership with respect on both sides. You should treat each other with kindness, look after one another, both be trying to give the other person what they need. When issues come up you should be able to discuss them together (even argue) without insults, aggression or violence. Your partner should be your rock, the person who picks you up when you are down and celebrates your successes with you.

My parents have this and I am still looking. I’ve come close, am hoping the new one is the one!

I sympathise with you op. I've had a similar childhood and thought that as long as he wasn't beating me, going to prison, selling drugs, or forcing me into prostitution then he must be a good 'un. I still couldn't tell you what a good relationship looks like, but reading about the 'shark cage' helped me see why I put up with things that would make most most women run a mile.

https://ccp.net.au/the-shark-cage-metaphor-in-abusive-relationships/

My husband and I love each other, make each other laugh and we're the first person the other goes to when we're down about something. We do little things for each other. I will always have his dinner ready when he comes home and a tidy house ( I'm not saying everyone has to do that, but it's something he likes and I am home to do it) and likewise he'll do things for me so we are equal. It's about showing each other kindness and respect.

Ive never had a healthy relationship so I live alone now and I'm much happier that way.
I guess its a relationship where the two of you can communicate effectively with screaming and shouting and both parties needs are met.

Sorry without screaming and shouting that should say!!!