Left an abusive relationship with small kids, now what, pls help (DV trigger warning)

[letmeeatcrisps]

Just wondering if anyone is around to share their experience… I left my husband a week ago as he has been getting more and more violent and distant. He attacked me physically multiple times in front of the kids and while pregnant. We have a 1yo and a 3yo together. Womens aid have been too busy and full to support us so we have been dependant on total strangers basically, ie female neighbours. I have to go to court on Monday to get a non-molestation order to stop him from intimidating us but with limited mobility and no childcare I don’t know how I’m supposed to manage it as we live in a rural area with crap public transport
alongside the emotional fallout of realising my relationship has died and trying to keep my two toddlers happy and safe
It has been quite lonely and terrifying so far but anything is better than staying with an abusive violent man

Back story we were together 15 years, he slowly and subtly destroyed my professional and personal life, isolated me from my friends / family, moved us to an extremely rural location then the violence and psychological torture escalated

now I’m out it seems ridiculous how long I stayed. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through

anyone have any nice positive stories of this all working out? I would love to go back to our house and the dream of everything working but I can’t

im currently 500 miles from my own hometown and family, once I have this court appearance over with I will start making the journey back to my hometown but part of me had hoped we could stay here and he would have the kids 50% so I can go back to work
i know this is mad and delusional and I should probably be as far away from him as possible. Any tips / advice / support / encouragement appreciated, thanks
(Have been posting on mumsnet about the decline of the relationship for a couple of years, everyone always says LEAVE NOW but then what?)

Are you sorting out benefits? You will be substantially entitled. And housing

I have no practical advice but wish you all the best. I'm in awe of anyone who manages to leave a relationship under those circumstances - I have independence and resources but the idea of starting a separate life would still feel overwhelming I think. You're doing the right thing for your children and it will definitely get easier over time.

If he's abusive he cannot have the kids. At all. He sounds dangerous. Seriously.

If you want to and are able to, make your way back to your home town to any support networks.

Please don't have any nostalgia for your relationship. Keep you and your dcs safe.

I'm sure you can rebuild your lives, the three of you.

You sound great. Really assertive and planning ahead. I was paralysed with anxiety and worry for months after my abusive h left. I couldn't even face opening a new bank account.

Social services involved at all?

Can you focus on getting to your family and applying for non mol from there?

Google your council housing officer/ homeless team. When you call through tell them you need to speak to the duty team. As someone fleeing domestic violeñce with children you are top priority and they can house you instantly. It will be somewhere temp to begin with but they will find you a home. Dont be put off by the fact that you still have a roof over your head due to others kindness, you are still classed as homeless.

Ring the court. Tell them about your circs and they will try to accomidate you whatever way they can. They may even be able to let you attend via video link. Ask them who they use as duty solicitors and give them a call.If they do duty/on call they will support legal aid cases which theres a very good chance you qualify for. All you need is your national insurance number and what benefits you claim.

Shelter and Stepchange are fantastic for support regarding homelessness and benefits/managing money. I have used both very recently and cant speak about them highly enough.

Best of luck for you and your children OP

Thank you all for the advice, taking it one step at a time - housing application done, at court now for non-mol, train booked this afternoon to go back home
its been very overwhelming trying to work out what to prioritise but we have been looked after well by our lovely neighbours and the kids seem to have enjoyed the novelty (!)

leaving is a tough road but not as tough as staying with an abusive partner
good luck to anyone else in this situation - you can do it!!!!!

Do you have an IDVA? With their help I was rehoused after fleeing DV. Contact your local domestic violence team and they can advise.
Well done to leaving and keeping your babies safe! Take care ❤️

Well done, I think its for the best he doesn't have the children. Do you have a family members you can go stay with? The three year old will get their nursery hours and hopefully if you get a job you can get some help depending on your income. Make sure and put a csa claim in too.

Hope things improve massively for you.

Thank you I was told I would get an IDVA but no referral was made yet
the police never got back to me to confirm his bail conditions and even though he has spent the week hovering on the edge of them (harassing my family and friends, lurking at the end of our street) the judge denied the non-mol

she was brutal and terrifying and spent most of the slot berating my barrister
i had been warned that the courts here are quite unkind to women and I was shocked at the judge’s callousness given the violence I had been subjected to while 8 months pregnant

so! Onto the next bit. Housing and a new job