Ancestry dna help needed

[AnyaMarx]

Does anyone know anything about how the ancestry app works - I’m getting dna matches . I can’t work out which side they’re from.
I do not have any information at all about my biological father.
That’s the reason I did the dna test .
All I’m trying g to find out is his name . I’m getting matches but obviously the people I’m matching with may not even know I exist . I can’t tell which parent they’re from . Has anyone got a handle on ancestry dna and if so - can anyone help me work out where and which side these matches are from ? I do t want to give anyone heart attack - I just want to know who my father was / is . A name . That’s all .
I have asked my mother over and over . She will not tell me anything. We have not had contact now for over 25 years and nothing would change if we did have contact- she’s an unpleasant, bitter, abusive narcissistic old lady now - but I had to cut that toxicity out a long time ago - her knowledge on this was power - and she wielded it . She will never tell me . I gave up asking . In fact I gave up altogether because she wasn’t a force for good in my life . She was a toxic , poisonous insidious venom that was poisoning me and all the kindness and good I had in me . So I cut my losses and walked . And I have never looked back . She did message me around 10 years ago to say her choosing an abusive partner over me was “all water under the bridge “ except my broken fingers reminded me it wasn’t . The social services involvement and being on a child at risk register reminded me it wasn’t . The countless beatings at her husbands hands , using weapons and implements , breaking bones and skin , reminded me it wasn’t . My reply was kind , I said I wished her well, but was t interested in a reconciliation. Her husband died of heart attack at 52- that didn’t really surprise me. He was the angriest man I’ve ever known. I dont suppose the fags or booze helped either !
The only thing she had that I want - she will never divulge - and that is my fathers name . He is not on my birth certificate.
My ex - bless him for this - after we split up (haven’t had contact for a long time now ) - sent me a dna testing kit from ancestry uk - and I did it and forgot about it .
Now I’m getting emails saying I’ve got dna matches - first cousins mainly but this means their father or mother may have been the brother or sister of my biological father ! But I can’t work out how the app works or which parent the matches are from - so if anyone can help me - I’d appreciate it it so so much . I’ve waited 51 years to find out my fathers name and it yet may never happen - but I can’t ignore these matches .
I’m not Getting hopes up and I don’t want to know anything other than a name . Not seeking to interfere in peoples lives or
Give Them heart failure as I’m sure the majority of whatever family he had will never have known I existed .

Thank you if you can help- please shout
X

Ps. I have resolved not to make any contact with my mother now - even when the time comes for her to leave this life and go on to whatever is next . I cannot by a hypocrite. We’ve had such little to do with each other in life . I’ve thought long and hard . An incident triggered a terrible situation at work a few years ago ! It caused me to have murderous thoughts and at the time - work were let’s say - less than supportive. So this prompted some thought on the subject.

have you gone on the ancestry web site (much clearer on a desktop than app).
created an account and started your tree?
you know your mom's name and you build your tree from that point.
you will then be able to see if the matches are on your mothers side (first cousins would have the same grandparent as you).
IF they are NOT on your mothers side and if the value indicates first cousins or half siblings then it will be on your fathers side.
now i have not done the dna stuff but have a good grasp on the tree stuff and can see how you can separate maternal from paternal at this stage.

It gives you “Parent 1” and “Parent 2” so it tells you which side a match is on. You have to figure out yourself which parent is which though. Can you do some work based on what you know about your mums side? So if you can fill in a bit of history then you can match a few of the dna matches to your mums side, this allows you to input that your mum is parent 1 for example. Then you could just focus on the parent 2 matches to find out about that side. Bear in mind it does not give much information about people that are still living.

Thanks

It's the parent one parent two I'm struggling to understand.

I'll try logging on the laptop not the app.

I don’t know anything about how the DNA testing works but like other posters I have found relations using ancestry web site. Once you put your mothers details in it should bring up people related to her.

Are you GP’s still alive or any siblings of your mothers that may recognise some of the names of the matches you’ve been given?

You can sort your DNA matches by how closely related you are, I would try messaging a couple to see if they're familiar with your mothers name, if not they may be able to provide information in regards to your fathers side.

What are the centimorgans for your top 5 matches , it is written in cM? It sounds like you have some great matches which is a brilliant start. As said above you need to start a tree with you and then your mother amd what you know of her tree.

Do your top matches have trees that you are able to see?

Ancesyrybreaks the matches down into parent 1 and 2 and unassigned which is those they are unable to allocate at the moment. You can make your tree private and also unsearchable to start with so you can do your research privately and only reach out to people if you feel ready.

Very important that before you do anything go quickly and screenshot absolutely everything for your closet matches. Sometimes people can get a bit freaked out by close matches and make their results private so you can no longer see them.

I’m part of a small group working on an adoption case of a guy in the US with German heritage. I might be able to help or point you at someone who can, I will message you.

Hi Seaitoverthere - I have just come across this thread, having issues with Ancestry myself and also some similar family issues to AnyaMarx. However what interests me is that you say you are helping someone with German heritage. I was adopted (in the U.K.) but have German heritage through my mother’s side. I met her once and know something about immediate family - maternal grandmother, aunts, cousins etc (all but one of them, who I have no contact with, left Germany), but am having a really difficult time tracing back through the generations on my mother’s side. I have done an Ancestry dna test quite recently and lots of matches (mainly distant family) have popped up from all sorts of locations but I can’t find the links, especially since I have such limited access (even through Ancestry) to German records. I’d be grateful for any suggestions/ help as how to move forwards on this.
Many thanks for any help.

@Franzine it is very difficult with the German records due to the privacy laws they have but not impossible. One of my group is a lady in Germany and thanks to her a lot of progress has been made on the maternal side oh the case we are doing.

I recommend downloading your Ancestry DNA and uploading it to My Heritage which more Europeans use and also GEDmatch, Family
Tree DNA and Living DNA - it is free to upload to all of those.

Will send you a personal message.

You need to build a tree of your mother's family linked to your account. You need to go back three generations I think. This is fairly easy to do by using birth and marriage information if you know you grandparents names. Include siblings if you can. It's not that difficult to get back to 1911 and then start using the census to get a little further back. Even getting back to 1939 to the 1939 register can sometimes be useful enough.

Then trace it down as far as you can until you get a match with someone - make a note if that person is parent 1 or 2. Or try and use thrulines and if you are lucky ancestry will do the tracing down for you.

It's all about building that tree - but you can do it from what you know on your mother's side.

Remember you only need ONE person to match and be able to trace down to work out whether they are parent one or two.

Ignore the DNA results as such or you'll drive yourself nutty trying to work it out. Focus on tree building and using Birth, Marriage and Death records to do that from your mother.

(Find your mother's birth - it will have a mother's maiden name, then look for a marriage of her parents - this is where it helps to know your grandparents names. Then try and work out which is their birth record and do the same again with maiden name and marriage. Remember you have two lines you can try for grandparents. Given your age you probably will be at the 1911 census or 1939 by this point but if not do again for another generation.)

Then you will be able to see what's left and ancestry will adjust to the information you have.

@RedToothBrush it depends at what point her Mother’s German heritage comes into play and she needs to switch onto the German records. German birth records aren’t available for 110 years after birth.

Maybe I missed it but I couldn't see the OP say anything about German ancestry. I saw another poster say that but not the OP.

Oh sorry, thought you were referring to the recent poster who revived the thread. I need caffeine !