Advice needed

[Willowthewhisp21]

Hi, please can you give me an outsiders view? I’ve been married 6 yrs I have 2 children with my ex he has a daughter from previous marriage who I treat like my own. He doesn’t really get on with my eldest. Since lockdown I’ve notice a few things, he’ll start an argument and when I start asking for answers he’ll tell me not to start again, he doesn’t like me going out with friends he doesn’t know and will txt all night until I eventually come home or he’ll ignore me the next day, he won’t book his holidays from work same time as me etc. I had a break down last yr now on anti depressants and counselling because of it all recently I have gone off sex just not interested every time he come near me he’ll say dnt worry I’m not gonna touch you or I know why you think I’ve got a small knob, if he asks for sex and I say no he’ll huff and puff. He knows I’m not interested but yet he try’s it on all the time and when we do have sex (I feel if I given in hell leave me alone) I’m not enjoying it and faking it surly he must know?? I have tried to leave but no where to go, and he refuses to leave even tho the kids aren’t his. What do I do?

He sounds disgusting, you’d be so much happier on your own with your kids.
Is the house in both names? If it’s in yours you can get him to leave even by phoning the police. Or maybe a male relative coming over to “help” him move out!
He does not treat you nice at all, you deserve better.

Why do you put up with this? Your worth much more

He abusive and controlling and you should leave him for your and your children’s sake.
Speak to women’s aid for advice and support
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
and https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/ for free legal advice and support. I used both and they were fantastic.

Where there’s a will there’s a way.You can do it

How did you try to leave? Do you have other family/ friends you can ask for help ?

Imagine a peaceful life just you and your kids without him !

Once you’re rid of him I’d recommend the https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ to avoid future abusive relationships and to help you spot red flags early on.

He's a bastard to you and doesn't like your child. The relationship needs to end.

Thank you all for your advise x

You don't say if you have your own finances? 10 years ago when I left my now ex husband I planned it for months. Putting small amounts of money away until I had enough for a month's rent and deposit. I even paid for a storage unit and bought bits and pieces ready for my new home.
I left with not a lot barring my son and clothes.
Times have moved on there are now laws against what he is doing to you. It's coercive control and includes the pressure around sex. Keep texts, voicemails etc any evidence you may need going forward. Speak to a local domestic abuse service and tell them what's going on and go from there. You have options, always, when your ready you can start putting things into place.
Know this as hard as it is things won't change, they'll get progressively worse.
Try not to change your behaviours and the things you would normally do even if this provokes a reaction ( unless it becomes unsafe).
You can do this for you and your children, believe in yourself and your inner strength.