To leave or persevere

[MumCat2020]

I don't even know what to say. I'm exhausted from trying. I went back to work, the dynamic changed, it isn't working. He makes little to no effort, people notice. But he thinks it's me, I'm nagging, I'm negative, I treat him with contempt. It's been 11 years and we have had our ups and downs. I always feel like I'm encouraging him along, trying to get him to be involved, to have fun. He makes no effort to make friends or see people, he won't even call his mother. He is so emotionally inept that he can't even raise a conversation about what's wrong, but apparently he has done Internet research! I don't even know what I'm asking. I'm just tired of being the strong one. I have no family.

How about counselling? If he won’t go, then for you?

The best question to ask
’what is it you want from this relationship?’

He may be taken aback at the question.
Maybe even give him time if he is completely stumped - but at the end of the day he should articulate what he wants
Even if it’s just ‘I want to be with you’
Then you can say what you want

If he is really stumped then you have an answer

It comes down to money. Counselling is crazy. I feel like I'm emotionally detached anyway. But you are right, I do probably need to give myself space to actually feel it.

Very good answer! I know we have to have a big conversation, I've just been avoiding it because it feels too huge and overwhelming. But something has happened today that will force the discussion

Use the question

Dont elaborate- it’s a simple question that if he can’t answer is your ‘in’ on the relationship needs to change ASAP or end

One thing I've learned from staying too long in an unhappy relationship is that you can't change someone. He is who he is and if you're not happy with who he is then leave.

I know that's easier said than done but I am 100% happier since finally finding the courage to leave and it sounds like you will be too.