Ashamed of how low I’ve got

[Sweetsweets]

I have been in an on off toxic relationship for 4 years I’ve been scared to leave because I’m terrified of having no one, my family are non existent friends live far away, I’ve been promised the earth by this selfish controlling man, who acts like a child, won’t stop behaving like an idiot, drinking and driving ect ect, anyway….. this afternoon he’s gone off out on his super bike with pub stops was promised he was not going to do this anymore and he did his usual switch his phone off….. I’m having a difficult time myself so I went to see if I could catch him before he left but he’d already gone I got into a horrible rage and keyed his beloved car as soon as I done it I thought oh my god what I have I done!!! This isn’t me…… I feel at a weird breaking point…… what on earth am I going to do I’m so nervous and feel totally stupidly out of control 😭😭

You know that the relationship is toxic so you need to get out. It won’t be easy but you’re both acting in ways which are damaging to each other and yourselves. As for what you have done to the car, I really don’t know what you can do. Expect him to be angry and be ready to pay for it 😩

Breathe.
Take a step back.
Think of yourself as an individual, not part of a toxic relationship.
What steps can you take to get some composure back?
Could you move out and leave him a note? Today, or ASAP if not?
I fear if you just threaten to leave he'll gaslight you and convince you to stay, telling you that you keep making him angry, it's you being too controlling and needy... Better to avoid that, and confrontation.
There's nothing lovely in that relationship, no kindness or happiness. You can do better than this, you deserve better.
Get your ducks in a row and leave. Good luck xx

We don’t live together luckily 😳

Will he have any way of knowing it was you that keyed it?

If not don't tell him whatever you do. He's a dangerous and abusive man from what you say - don't give him a reason to take anything out on you.

I know it's hard, but your life will be better without this man, and in time you will see this. You may well meet someone else, someone better, in time.

It's great you don't live with him. When are you due to see him next?

I’m not sure if he Will know it’s me….. I won’t tell him, I just feel awful he pushed me to that…… I’ve had years of his horrible behaviour and treated I need to be strong!! He will likely call when he’s sobbered up later 🥹

He's a dangerous and abusive man from what you say

Where does OP say this?

It does sound like an awful relationship. But I cannot see any excuse for OP to deliberately damage his belongings, regardless. (I was in an abusive marriage & when my ex pushed me to my limits I shouted / cried / lost control but I didn't resort to damaging property).

Pay for the damage. End the relationship for good. Get some therapy.

I just feel awful he pushed me to that……
Well, he didn't 'push' you to it, regardless of how awful he is.

You need to take responsibility for your own actions here

You NEED to get away. Don't be there because if he does bully you into confessing what then?

He sounds awful, and and the fact his behaviour has driven you to this illustrates how angry and out of control you feel. Don't tell him in case he turns nasty but resolve that this is the day that this toxic relationship is over and you regain control of your emotions and your life.

And report him for drink driving before he kills someone

This sounds awful op! Obviously you can't go round keying people's cars because they didn't say goodbye to you or whatever it was 😬. But people do very odd stuff in toxic relationships!

You clearly need to break up forever and mean it. Also pay to fix his car so he has no reason to harass you about that. If he's controlling then you cut all ties if you just pay for it

You didn’t key his car, you was nowhere near his place, you have no idea what his talking about!

I know it’s wrong to lie, but this is honestly your best solution, you sound remorseful about it, so this one time cut yourself a break. If you tell him you don’t it and admit it, he will use it against you big time and then try to come out of it as the shiny hero who saved you from charges.

Do yourself a favour and play dumb, don’t admit it, anyone could have done it anyway.

Posters are rightly angry about men who claim women 'pushed' or provoked them. If a man had done this there would be an outcry. It was quite wrong to key his car and the police would prosecute you if someone saw you do it.
Leave now and send him the money for body repair work.

She says he is controlling. Men and women who seek to control their partners are dangerous and abusive.

Obviously she might be lying, as might anybody on here, but we can only take posters at face value and that is what she says.

I couldn't personally care less if she damaged his car. It's a bloody car, and if he has abused her then in my view he deserves this and more. Anybody who thinks that the "crime" of damaging her abuser's car justifies her putting herself further at risk from the man who she states is attempting to control her, needs to sort their priorities out in my opinion. Terrible and dangerous advice to suggest she admits it. We have no idea what he might decide to do in retaliation.

She says he is controlling. Men and women who seek to control their partners are dangerous and abusive.

No. They may be. They also may not be. Again, speaking from experience of a relationship which was abusive.

The rest of your post honestly is nonsensical.

I agree the relationship sounds awful. However, there's nothing in OP's post that justifies deliberately damaging her partner's property.

Yes, it's a 'bloody car'. But wilful damage of someone else's property potentially attracts criminal sanction for a reason.

As I said, she needs to end it, pay for the damage & get help.