What does “stay in touch” mean?

[summerin69]

I’m back in the world of dating and just met a man for coffee. We had a good time, conversation flowed, eyes locked a few times, we laughed quite a bit. I liked him enough to see him again but not sure the feeling is mutual. At the end he gave me a really nice hug and said…. “Stay in touch”. What does that mean? Interested? Not interested? Not sure?

That's how language and social dynamics work.

"How are you?"

No one wants to hear about your bunion surgery for five minutes when you're someone you casually interact with. The answer is "Fine." Plus something innocuous. If they then really want to know, they will go off script and really ask.

People don't want to be rude and say, "I'm not interested in interacting again."

So they give a polite phrase: "Keep in touch." which has a known social meaning of "I don't hate you. I'm not blocking your number, but it's understood neither of us will be expending more than minimal efforts to interact again. Like if I play the saxophone, and you hear that someone needs a saxophone player in their band, you might message me, but nothing more than that."

I said that sort of thing to the last lady I met through Internet dating. We stayed in touch and our 19th wedding anniversary is next week.

I think if a guy says it it rather means he isn't that interested unless it's "I had a really lovely time, let's stay in touch" but just "stay in touch" sorry that's a no.
However, I have said it to a guy meaning " contact me again" and he did.

Exactly. Ive bumped into casual contacts I havent seen for ages and said "we must meet for coffee some time" and whilst it wasnt technically a lie and I dont dislike them, its certainly wasnt high on my priority list to arrange or else I would have suggested an actual time/place. Equally, they agreed but also didnt suggest a time or place. Just social niceties.

Have you followed it up by staying in touch? Or have you waited for them to and wondering why they didn't?

I said "let's keep in touch" at the end of the first two dates I had with the man I am now married to.

What else was I meant to say - "you are the sexiest and most fascinating fucking thing I have ever seen in my life and you smell so great too" might have sounded a teeny bit full on?

I then was in touch, about 20 mins later on the train on the way home.

If you like him, just text him. Then he will reply or not and you will have your answer.

All this "men do this if they feel this" stuff is bollocks - they are not all the same person you know. And I should know - I have been married to three of them. All totally different.

@SleepingStandingUp yeah I did and we did stay in touch

I think the end of first dates are always pretty awkward so unless there's an outright 'thanks but no thanks' I wouldn't read too much into it and just see what happens

I think it means you're a lovely person but you and he didn't click, have a nice life.

Yeah I'd probably leave it in his court. Sounds more like a polite note to leave things on rather than a keen one to me. But if he does follow up asking for another date take it from there. Similarly if you'd like to see him again, ask. Anything less than enthusiasm and I would drop it though. It can be a bit awkward ending first dates so you could be pleasantly surprised.

This. Plenty more fish in the sea, op.

I don’t think it’s a definite no as people can say things without much thought to how someone could read it however the fact you think the attraction isn’t mutual suggests there were other clues throughout the time together.

Also I think how the line is delivered can matter. If he holds your hand and looking into your eyes says it intently versus in a quiet awkward moment at the end as he steals a few looks to the exit.

If he’s interested he’ll be in touch. You could send him a message but be prepared for no response or a lukewarm one.

But people do that all the time. 'You're looking well', 'How lovely to see you', 'What a pretty baby', 'Do come over sometime', etc. The English are famous for it.

I said "let's keep in touch" at the end of the first two dates I had with the man I am now married to

What else was I meant to say - "you are the sexiest and most fascinating fucking thing I have ever seen in my life and you smell so great too" might have sounded a teeny bit full on?

There's a whole middle ground of things you could say between these two examples. Something like, I had a great time, let me know if you're free next weekend for dinner.

Agree with Charlotte

This. There IS a middle ground here. Its not all or nothing. If I liked someone after a date then I'd want to suggest meeting up again. Saying "keep in touch" is so nebulous and vague- keep in touch how? text me tomorrow? next week? every few months as friends? its really ambiguous which is exactly why people are assuming he's not that interested.

So.. just for clarity, I did text him to say: “nice to meet you. Thanks for coming to (the town where I live)”. And he wrote back: no problem at all! Good to meet you”.

So NOW I’m clear - double brush off! 😂
I’m not too disappointed as I think he is a bit of a player… but just my ego a little dented. Thanks for everyone’s input.

Hahaha it means ”Don’t.”

It means they won’t be contacting u, and won’t answer if u contact them.