What would you do?

[MumtoFreddie2023]

i do have another thread but after speaking to my partner last night I just wanted a bit of advice.

I explained that I’d rather get married straight away (for financial security) now that we’ve had a baby rather than waiting for a bigger wedding with our friends and family in a year or so. Before I gave birth I insisted baby have my surname as we are not married and he does, my partner was upset about it but it’s what I wanted.

As explained in previous post, I am due to go back to work full time in 6 months (maybe sooner) as I do miss it. Childcare has been sorted between family members but we could afford nursery if that were to fall through. My pension is all sorted, we have wills and lasting power of attorneys in place too just in case. Life insurance policies are in each others name. As we are now, neither of us would have to pay inheritance tax as our property is not worth over 325,000 , we own it 50/50.

I feel like if I pressure him into going to a registry office and signing the legal documents it will take the deeper meaning behind it all away and he isn’t keen on the idea.

The only reason I would rush into it is because of the financial side of things but we are very 50/50. He will be taking time off work if we have childcare issues and he knows everything will have to be 50/50 and I will not be expected to pick up on the childcare and sacrifice my career.

My question is … do I stick to my guns? I would be happy to wait but at the same time I would like the security of it.

How old are you both? Have either of you been married before? Why is he not keen on the idea of marriage? Are you engaged currently?

I've been where you are (but was 21 when we had DD and had just turned 25 when we got married) She took my surname initially, as well.

In my head I had a date and if I wasn't married by then I'd have walked away.

We are both 25, we haven’t been married before and we are engaged before I fell pregnant. Looking to get married within the next year or two. I just don’t want to rush things and take the magic out of the day and even though I know he would if it’s what I wanted, I don’t want to make him sign the documents at the registry office if he would rather wait and have the wedding we both were thinking of.

I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation. For me, it was slightly different in that I was a SAHM pretty much from the off, so wanted to be married for financial security in that respect.

Given that you intend to work, that you already own a house together and have wills set up, you are not leaving yourself overly financially vulnerable...in my view anyway. Make sure his pension has you as the beneficiary (in the sad case of death before marriage occurs) We weren't engaged before DD came along and in fact, only had a very short engagement prior to the wedding.

In your shoes, I would still want to be married and I would have a date in mind. Is he happy to start planning now for the "dream wedding" in a year or two's time? Or is he trying to put all wedding talk on the backburrner?

Erm not being funny it sounds like your trying to force roll him into a marriage. Shouldn't that also be equal 50/50 agreement not just a signing a piece of paper because its better for you etc etc

Yes that’s what I’m saying… I know it looks like that which is why I’m wondering whether to just wait anyway and do it as we planned. I just wanted advice.

But what's wrong with that? At the minute, he's made no legally binding commitment to her. If OP wants that and he doesn't, there's nothing wrong with her telling him. He doesn't HAVE to marry her.

Thanks for your response. I totally understand that in your situation.

He does talk about the wedding and isn’t dismissive about it , he proposed before I fell pregnant so it’s something he wanted to do, I just feel more financially vulnerable after having a baby that’s all. I should’ve put more thought into it before but the pregnancy was not planned although it has all worked out well so far.

He proposed, you accepted, so you both agreed ti marry. Why do you keep repeating that you’d be forcing him to sign the papers? Why would there be pressure?

It’s not clear why you didn’t get married before having the baby or why you’d be waiting now. If you’re both wanting to be married just get on with it.