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Relationships

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Original poster

Initiating social events with groups of female friends

17 replies

Legacy · 12/05/2023 11:51

Just wanted to find out how others do this and see if there are better ways!

I have various groups of friends from different points in my life. Some of them know each other etc. Most of us are within striking distance of London and enjoy the same sorts of things - quite cultural events like literary festivals, concerts, films etc. My DH doesn't share my interest in these, hence the 'female friends' bit.

If there's an event I want to go to, I usually pitch it to one or two friends with a 'fancy this?' message and if yes, go ahead and book etc. But if they're not free/ interested I then have to try a different friend/ group etc.

Usually someone's keen and I end up going, but the process seems a bit always seem happy to come and say they've really enjoyed it, but they rarely organise these things themselves!

Also I get a bit fed up of chasing people to pay for tickets or dealing with people who try to cancel etc.

OP posts:

Plantymcplantface · 07/09/2023 07:40

Some people are just crap at organising things. In my group we only have two of us that will initiate get togethers. I think it does depend on the thing you are trying to do, dates, what else people have going on etc as well. I think maybe the only way to do it is to drip feed “right ladies the film was brilliant and loved your company. How about a get together in October? Can anyone help with ideas and organise this time?”
But to be honest you might end up chasing and organising anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mary46 · 07/09/2023 12:20

Op Im prob a loner now. Got tired of either planning, chasing up or just generally run after friends so I know what you mean... a music thing in few months I ask my husband I cant be assed then chasing up money!! I dont suggest things now since this

Mary46 · 07/09/2023 12:22

We do group breakfast keep it simple but nobody rushes arrange next one... 5 us.

MotherofGorgons · 07/09/2023 12:24

So much this! I have to organise everything and I am sick of it! Friends always say "Oh you are so good at organising, and you are so efficient". Well, you can try to be better, no? Organising doesnt come naturally to anybody.

MotherofGorgons · 07/09/2023 12:25

But I have joined a few Meetup groups now. Much easier. People always turn up or not.

mosiacmaker · 07/09/2023 12:27

I am also the organiser for everything but kind of prefer it as the times others have organised it’s not as good as when I do it as they haven’t really done any due diligence 🤣

Mary46 · 07/09/2023 13:03

Its when u get cant do x date neither can I gets complicated then!! 50 messages later lol

MotherofGorgons · 07/09/2023 13:04

The worst is when you are in a group and people keep cluttering up the group saying they can't come. Nobody cares if you can't come! Just say if you can.

Mary46 · 07/09/2023 13:18

I meet one to one. I dont know its just so difficult to plan anything now.. my husband is friends with another couple. I said let us know some dates. But again takes ages sort it. I just give up anyone else same?

Original poster

Legacy · 07/09/2023 17:09

MotherofGorgons · 07/09/2023 13:04

The worst is when you are in a group and people keep cluttering up the group saying they can't come. Nobody cares if you can't come! Just say if you can.

OMG - this absolutely!
Especially when they post passively-aggressively about a daytime event: "sorry, can't make this as I'm working - can we make it the evening?"

Er, no, sorry - organise your own event!

OP posts:

hattie43 · 07/09/2023 17:35

WhatsApp groups .
I did have an issue with one friend in that id highlight a good event and it was always oh buy the tickets I'll pay you back , but of course never did .

Mary46 · 30/11/2023 17:48

Yes not nice they not paying up. Sometimes I just do things alone seems less hassle...

coolcahuna · 30/11/2023 18:33

I hear all of you ! I am always the organiser and for some friends who reply quickly and pay up for the event, its fine. But generally I am doing less with friends, more 1 to 1 things.

Even then I'm finding people don't commit or don't confirm and I just leave it, we are all busy so tend to ask my other half more often than not now instead.

EmmaEmerald · 30/11/2023 18:37

Mary46 · 07/09/2023 12:20

This is me but I'm single

it gets very lonely without friends but so many just never organise anything or forget I exist. I've organised, I've hosted...it hasn't helped in really making friends.

Mary46 · 30/11/2023 18:38

Yes hard getting things paid for and nobody commits. Its disheartening. I dont bother now

Mary46 · 30/11/2023 18:39

I just do coffees now that works okay !

SamW98 · 30/11/2023 18:40

We have a pretty good group and there’s a couple of us who are the organisers and others who are happy to go along with our plans but everyone is really good at paying up.

We had one in our circle who was always making excuses and taking ages to pay up so we stopped booking her tickets. Just told her where we were going and let her sort her own ticket out. More often than not, she didn’t end up going once realised we wasn’t going to sort her out.

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