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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I tell my 5 year old :(

27 replies

thisisasurvivor · 12/05/2023 11:33

Hello all

Some of you may remember me and the support I got not so long ago

Now my dilemma is
How do I tell my 5 year old what happened

Her father tried to kill me and we ended up in a refuge when she was just a few days old

She remembers nothing
She is with me and my parents

And I talk to her about how families are different and we are safe now etc
But nothing clear about what has happened

How do I approach this ?

OP posts:
happyheart7 · 12/05/2023 22:43

There’s some horrible advice on here. She’s 5 years old. Telling her her dad, because remember he is her dad, was a mean nasty man, or any details of what happened is actually cruel. It will hurt her. She’s an innocent child. She doesn’t have the ability to comprehend or reason that stuff out. Leave it until she’s much older, and even then be wise with what you share.

Original poster
thisisasurvivor · 14/05/2023 08:51

PrimarilyParented · 12/05/2023 19:35

@Feelinnotworthmuch i am so sorry to hear that. I don’t intend to let my son meet his father as a teen and absolutely will not be telling him his full name until his a grown adult. I also intend to tell him that I will not even contemplate telling him his full name so that he can find him until he has gone to counselling and understands the full risks involved. I think that perhaps because he is a son and (as it turned out but not as I knew) his father was very sexist that he may be accepted. I also think as a strong, tall 20 something he will be at less risk than as a teen as he will be physically much more of a threat to his then aging father. But he will need to fully understand the risks involved in meeting someone who could turn violent and he needs to understand that he is not under any circumstances allowed to reveal my address/workplace/whereabouts and why. I don’t think a teen is capable of understanding these things, so he won’t be finding his father until at least his mid/late twenties and possibly not even then.

This really struck me

And thank you all
You help me so so much all the time xxxxx

OP posts:
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