Sorry but I really need to get this off my chest, I have no one to talk to and I don’t want to discuss it with family. Feel like I’m going insane! I know it’s a long read so not expecting anyone to read it but I need to get it out!
I need to separate from my husband but neither of us have the finances to do so, but I can’t live with him anymore.
For years and years he has been an absolute arsehole, mainly to do with what he turns into when he drinks. He becomes abusive, aggressive, ruins any occasion (even our wedding) holidays, I could write a whole book series so won’t go into that now.
He is 43, I’m 35 and we have three kids. I’m at breaking point and need to be away from him but just don’t know how.
I don’t trust him, he is a liar and a sneak.
He has made a group of friends at work who are in their 20s-30s, drugs have been an issue in the past with him are becoming again now. Recently found an unfinished spliff, a child could have come up with a better excuse than him as to why he had it, one of his colleagues is sending him instagram posts to do with cocaine.
He works a lot and whenever it is his day off he doesn’t hide how much he hates it home with me and the kids. He never wants to go out or do anything with us but is happy to go out with workmates all the time. He has started vaping and smoking again because they do despite not smoking for years. It’s like he sees
them as being cool, which I think is really sad at his age.
We have barely spoken the past two weeks, he either purposely stays late at the work so I’m in bed, or despite me telling him how I feel he is still continuing to go out.
I don’t have a social life as basically got downtrodden by him as all he did was accuse of having affairs so I stopped going out, even though I only went out with colleagues. He thinks it’s ok to go out, not come home, stay at female colleagues homes after a night out.
He is secretive on his phone, I found an alert from tinder a few years ago, he was speaking to his ex a few years ago when he thought I was asleep.
We have been together for 19yrs.
I just don’t know what to do. I haven’t got money to move out or pay the rent/bills if he was to.