On line dating . If he said this , would you unmatch

[justdiditagain]

A man I am chatting to has commented on my photos after lovely ,
Respectful and interesting chat.
He said ... You are sexy....

Would you bin him off for this ?

He asked me what my
Experience was like on the app and I told him that beside the deviants and the unsolicited dick pics, it was fine , so he knows already that I am not into anything inappropriate.
Am I over reacting here .

You do realise that most men would say such things regardless whether they find you attractive or not? They want to have sex as sex is hard to come by for most men (bar the exceptional 10% or so on the apps), it's a way to show you that they're "up" for it ..in theory. Whether it's inappropriate or not is up to the individual on the receiving end of this.

Ugh.

I'd bin for that.

I'd ask 'why?' - the answer will tell you a lot.

Is it because you're wearing a low cut top and he noticed you have boobs (yawn) or is it because you made a witty comment and he finds your intellect appealing, or you spoke on the phone and had a dirty laugh? The second two would at least show he fancied you for you and not just the fact you have tits.

I’m not stupid, most men just looking for a ONS also say everything else you’d text about too- smart, funny, cool job, cool life, wow you’re so well travelled, oooh I love the same food/books/films as you….any and every compliment going. Most men say them.

So the “most men say that” focussing on only one compliment as if it’s some super secret way to weed out the fuck bois…oh, they said sexy, so in the bin. It’s not that easy or simple.

Sex isn’t that hard to come by - more than 10% of men get sex because women want sex too.

I agree it’s up to the receiver to decide they like a “you’re sexy” thrown in there or not, but it’s a preference. Binning on that alone is not an effective way to weed out decent from not decent or serious from not serious.

I'd rather he came out with it, as it were.

My now DH said to me "Do you want sex with me?" within a few hours of meeting.

I said no, but I'm glad I said yes in the end.

Trouble with online dating is that typed words can mask a multitude of sins. Someone can be complimenting you on your work achievements with his dick in his hand. Or telling you you're sexy as a neutral appreciative comment. Impossible to tell.

How old are you?

once your in your 50s a disappointingly large proportion of men are looking for ‘cuddles’ [vomit] or companionship, so I would be glad!

I'm 49,
He's 43.
I would be considered average. Im tall, carry myself well and a typical curvy size 14. Very happy in my own skin and confident .
He would be considered typically handsome tall, dark, great body etc etc .

Maybe he's after a shag, maybe he's after something more committed , who knows .
We're both working today and I sent the last message this morning
so let's see if he contacts me later.

He is brand new to on line dating.

I'm strict, any referal to my pics gives me the ick. I have a reasonably lengthy thought out bio, so if the best they've got as an opener is "like your pics" "Hi gorgeous" or anything like it, I just don't bother answering.
I was bored once and in a cheeky mood and got a Hi!, so said it back, then got "How's you", I answered "fine". Just wondered how long it would continue if I just gave 1 word answers. Quite a few short exchanges until he said "I give up".
He probably didn't get the point, some people just can't converse. I'd say the majority OLD are introverts, especially over 50 - weird bunch who have so many hangups and want a penpal rather than actually meeting.

I wouldn't unmatch, if the rest of the conversation seemed like he was interested in you. Sexual attraction is part of dating and its positive to let each other know you fancy them, the ones that only want sex dont stop talking about it and try and move you to WhatsApp quickly for photos.

Do you mean nudes @iwantabasketbag ?

You speak of 'men' as if you know them all. Do you? Otherwise, where are you getting your information? Or are you just stating your opinion as fact?

It's a shame that your experience informs you that this is how 'most men' are.

Others will have different experiences of men.

Well obviously not all but most on the apps!

If he's also brand new to OLD as well he's probably also stumbling around text etiquette and what to say just as much as you are.

It sounds as if the rest of your contact with him has been good - so I wouldn't unmatch simply on this one comment.

Only you can tell what you're comfortable with and if you think this shows him in a bad light thats fine unmatch - but I think you'd be massively reduce your "pool" of possible dates if you baulk at the slightest hint of Sex - after all - at the end of the day thats what everyone on OLD is after - weather if that is a quick ONS - or a more meaningful long time relationship - it all involves sex at some point (unless you're Asexual obvs)

Maybe just give him some more time and see if contact continues to be to your interest - but do arrange to meet up soon if you are interested.

@xfan i will take a punt that you have had a very very shitty relationship history and have been hurt… a lot

I don't think that in itself would put me off if I had a good vibe from him in general.

If I am dating someone, I want them to think I am sexy, and indeed I want to think they are sexy.

I would probably have choosen another adjective but letting each other know you are attracted is not a bad thing.

It all depends on the person. If it gives you the ick, fine... but then again, it could be a completely innocent compliment.

I once met up with a girl I met on OLD and said, wow you're beautiful when I first saw her... at the end of the date, she said we weren't seeing each other again because I'd focused on her looks. It depends on the person... some enjoy the affirmation, others don't.

Why don't you tell him what you are after and see if you can discuss if what you both want overlap?

If you both want a relationship where sex has a part it's worth discussing.

It's difficult as I think this one comes down to personal preference/dating style.

I am of the not giving away too much until you meet up and go on a few dates, so a compliment like that would feel a bit too much. I'd love it if it was an in person compliment, but based on one pic I'd be thinking "how do you know? For all you know I'm smelly and have a horrible voice and terrible manners" 😂

But I'm a grumpy fecker

I'd give him a second chance and meet him, see what he's like in person. It sounds like he's clumsily trying to pay you a compliment, not be a sleazy perve.

Well obviously not all but most on the apps

@xfan, again you speak as if you know them all. Your experience isn't everyone's experience.

Yes, do him a favour. If you're offended by that, it won't work out.

It's a profile photo. Unless you're wearing nipple tassels and are sucking off a cucumber in your photo, you either look attractive or not.

'You look sexy' is the talk of an ignoramus after one thing, no matter good a job he has, or how well educated and well spoken he is.

Go with your gut. If some women don’t mind a stranger calling them”sexy” then that’s their choice. It doesn’t have to be yours. Ted Bundy was charming and flattered women. In my opinion (and it’s only my opinion) I’d steer clear. If he thinks he can pick you up with a cheap comment then what comes next? Good luck and keep safe whatever you decide.

I agree with this. I've done a lot of OLD, and there's no one sure way to weed out the sleazes, unfortunately.

OP, I'd not block and delete for this. I'd meet him quickly and see what you think, as until you're face to face, it's all just imagination/fantasy