Anyone else feel fucked

[Whatwouldscullydo]

I cant be alone in seemingly only being attracted to men who are either not interested or the worst idea ever. If you put a kind decent honest man in front of me id feel nothing. Garunteed id go for the one who would not want to tell anyone I existed and sneak me out the back door. And who would be very quickly bored of me.

I broke up with my ex over 2 years ago and feel ready to start something with someone new. However despite attempting to have more of a life that would maybe facilitate meeting people and joining a dating app only 3 days ago but I'm pisssed off with it already ( I ran out of profiles on the first day ffs and 2 days later still nothing else) I just don't know what else to do where else to go.

I dont want to be alone forever. I'm.42 so maybe its too late who knows.

I guess I'm asking how do you go about meeting new people. And how do you change your brain chemistry that seems wired to make you fall for the most unsuitable people ever. Theres seriously something wrong with me. Please tell me I'm not alone.

That sounds very damaging (to you). Have you considered having some counselling to understand why a nice, decent man doesn't float your boat?

I dont think you can help who you are attracted to when it comes to feeling that pull you can't control even when you tell yourself its a waste of time. Believe me I've tried making " better choices " but thats not particularly served me well either. I dont deliberately make the poor choice. I can identify exactly why its a bad idea and dont always indulge because I know its a bad idea.

I guess it just feels like I've always had to choose what combinations of traits I can live with/without and every combination I have chosen still seems like the wrong choice in the end.

Either I'm just really unlucky or this person im.after just doesn't exist..

You joined a dating app 3 days ago. So if I was Mr Amazing, joined a week ago, looked for three days and then gave up saying that the app was shit, I'd have missed you. Maybe your issue with men is partly a lack of patience? You like things to be exciting and fast, so give up on the men who don't create instant drama?

You are a self fulfilling prophecy OP.

The men who are decent possibly want to settle down you are not attracted to.

The playboys of the world you like.

So just enjoy the playboys, have a string of them on the go. You owe them nothing. Live your life and your love life by your own rules.

I have been on the apps for 3 years. In my case, I have tried to meet kind men who are looking for something long term.
Despite being ruthless trying to weed out unsuitable, unavailable men, I have had absolutely no luck and have had some pretty horrific experiences with men who have treated me appallingly after dating for some months.
I don't think the apps are great. They encourage people to think there is endless choice when in reality there isn't. There are only so many men of a certain age within a reasonable distance, many will be multi-dating or chatting, some might be in the first month of seeing someone but haven't removed themselves. I also think there is very much an attitude of "grass is always greener" - so there is never a need to try with anyone because there's probably someone better around the corner.
You need a lot of staying power and a thick skin with dating apps and I wouldn't just use one. Some people are lucky and meet a partner on date 1 and others it takes years.

I do recognise i get bored /fed up easily so I do make very conscious efforts to hang in there when these feelings surface. Probably way longer than I should. My last relationship was over 15 years and it should have ended way before it did but i talked myself out of it because I thought i was just me being bored agai. Ispend alot of time having very stern words with myself 😳

Then I end up talking myself into things I dont want to do because I feel I should want to do them. Right now I do have someone I'm meant to go out with soon. I've been out with him twice and on paper I should want to. But I dont

pink that is my current feeling about this app malarkey tbh

Many of my received " likes" are from people outside the set filters. I didnt even get the young guys when I was young...

I mean I'll stick it out i am a master of endurance but I dont forsee much success

I think a lot of it is just luck/chance.
I had the opposite experience to @Pinkprescription in that I went on dating apps after a 20-yr relationship, wanting to play the field, meet lots of men and just have fun - not wanting to get tied down again quickly. This worked once (nice fun, frilly bit of nonsense) so I tried it a second time, again deliberately choosing an "unsuitable" guy who seemed fun rather than LTR material. Then got to know him and was amazed to discover that he was much nicer than my supposedly more suitable exh, and we have a very similar set of values. I'd never have chosen him as a long-term partner - he'd have been crossed off my list simply for being a smoker, apart from anything else. But here we are 6 years later, still having fun.
When we met I was 45. No idea if we'll be together "forever" - many people live until they're 90 these days so theoretically one or both of us could be back on the dating apps looking for something long-term at 80 :)