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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I go on this date or decline?

16 replies

Freeda3 · 10/05/2023 21:17

A man I've known for many years has asked me on a date. A woman both known to us has liked him for a while and told him this, but he made it clear to her he wasn't interested. I wouldn't describe her as a friend, just someone in a wider circle.

I don't want to upset anyone so should I decline for fear of upsetting her, even though he is not interested?

OP posts:

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/05/2023 21:19

No, she isn't a close friend so you don't owe her anything. Go on the date (if that's what you want) and listen to your gut.
Or do you think you don't fancy him and are talking yourself out of it?

daisychain01 · 10/05/2023 21:20

Putting it very bluntly she's nothing to you and you don't know for sure she would be upset, so I would just go on the date.

Watchkeys · 10/05/2023 21:33

Regardless of the issue, if you're having to ask on a forum, you have enough doubt and discomfort about the date to just not bother. Find someone who, for your first date, you have nothing but excitement.

Doesn't really matter what's 'right' or 'wrong' to worry about; you are worried about it.

Divebar2021 · 10/05/2023 21:36

Forget what anyone else thinks what do YOU think ? Do you like the guy ?

Original poster

Freeda3 · 10/05/2023 21:39

Yes, although it was unexpected, I'm happy he's asked me, he's a nice guy and I do feel excited.

OP posts:

iwantabasketbag · 10/05/2023 21:41

Do you think she'd care about you if it was the other way around? of course not, besides nothing can happen with them because he's not interested in her.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/05/2023 21:42

Go for it then, have fun! Please update us :)

MaryDoll84 · 10/05/2023 21:49

Go for it! It could be the start of something amazing. Even if you did decline, he's not interested in her so she'd still be disappointed when he asked someone else out.

pilates · 10/05/2023 21:51

Go for it

DumboLives · 10/05/2023 22:11

Go & enjoy the date. He is not interested in her, just you. She is not your problem.

Passmethpens · 11/05/2023 02:15

Another vote for you to go on the date

ETimport · 11/05/2023 04:09

You should go for it.

I had a dilemma like this a few years ago. It was an acquaintance. She never mentioned it to me, but avoided me after that. It was a bit awkward.

SimoneSimone · 11/05/2023 04:22

Not your problem if she gets upset, we can never please everyone. Go on the date if you like the guy.

Catlord · 11/05/2023 06:32

Go for it unless she's a good friend.

GoodChat · 11/05/2023 06:36

Did you post about this a couple of weeks ago? You all do a hobby together?

GreyCarpet · 11/05/2023 07:04

Agree with everyone else. If she were an actual friend it would be different but what you're essentially asking is, "Can I go out with this man even though someone else finds him attractive?"

In reality, anyone who asks you out could have an admirer elsewhere. You wouldn't turn everyone down out of misplaced sense of loyalty, would you? Why would the fact she is 'known to both of you' change that?

Nothing is ever going to happen with her because she isn't interested. You're not making a play for her boyfriend.

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