Hope I won’t regret posting here. Please be kind. NC bc sensitive topic.
feeling sad in my relationship, mostly from a physical perspective. DH and I (both mid 30s) now have sex once a month at best. In between, very little in the way of intimacy / touch / kissing (probably we need to work on that, but it’s hard to know where to start/ restart)
we have a tough day to day -2 DCs under 3yo, one is severely SEN. We had DC1 quite early in our relationship (planned, though) so maybe that hasn’t helped - but I feel like we are losing our sense of a romantic relationship. Hard to take time for dinner out / night away as can’t get childcare given the SEN situ. No family nearby.
on the bedroom side of things, feel like we slipped into bad habits early on perhaps. Eg DH does this thing of just keeping eyes closed throughout - don’t think it’s personal to me just what he was used to (he hadn’t had a relationship before and quite experienced). Didn’t really bother me but now I don’t know how to reverse it. Or, in another life I used to be keen on dirty talk / messaging - but we’ve never gone there, so it feels impossible to start now.
100% want things to improve, so gratefully accept any tips where to start. I definitely used to be a highly sexual person and I guess it’s still there somewhere but feel so detached from that side of myself right now. Would rather be subtle rather than having a full on convo with DH that I think would be counterproductive:
and to pre empt the usual mumsnet Qs: he is totally an equal parent, does a ton in the household, fully shares that load. That’s not the issue - a combination of great stress, and perhaps not the strongest physical foundation if that makes sense.