How to rekindle the spark?!

[FebMama]

Don't want to give too much away as don't want to be outing but currently married to DH of 5 years but have been childhood sweethearts since 16/17 years old. Two children: one aged 3 and the other 3 months.

Our marriage/sex life/affection has just become to bland and monotonous. We often tell each other we want some spark or excitement or spontaneity back but life, work and kids just seem to get in the way.

Any tips, experiences, advice from anyone to help rekindle a bit of a spark in our marriage?

What about some purchases from somewhere like Love honey? Browse for some items together maybe

Date nights! Even if you end up talking about the kids they are still the best way to reconnect with each other.

You absolutely have to find time to set aside for yourself. Maybe a date night, you don't have to go out, chill at home, no screens.
Text each other during the day, nice things or exciting things, as opposed to the mundane.
Be spontaneous sometimes. Surprise each other.
It's there, but life is hard. And you have to work at it.

What time do you go to bed together? Do you talk about the children when they are in bed? Could you set aside a couple of hours every night when you don't discuss the children at all?

You have a 3yo and a 3mo - I don’t think having spontaneity at this stage of life is really not a realistic expectation.
Unless you have family around you who can give you a bit of a break with kids - you need to wait for them to grow up a bit.

But as to life being monotonous - it’s up to you both what your relationship is like. Going out on a whim isn’t a possibility. But no reason why one of you can’t surprise the other with something, however small,
every now and then. Something that you both can enjoy together. Or a night out for them with friends - just to get a break from routine.

As to sex life becoming monotonous - it’s not uncommon when people get together very young without much prior experience.
Don’t know what people do to spice that up.

Thank you all for the replies!

@Zanatdy I hadn't thought of that actually. Before kids our sex life was always very good and exciting so maybe we need to consider something like this.

@Humanswarm @YaWeeSkitter weirdly enough, DH told me to get ready today as he wanted to take me to lunch (granted our 3 month old came with us) but it was still nice 😊 we haven't done that in ages unless it was planned in advance.

@determinedtomakethiswork so DH and I go to bed at different times. I go to bed when I take our 3 month old up and sometimes he stays up later. We're actually in separate rooms at the moment until DS2 goes into his own bedroom and then I'll be back in our marital bed!

@MMmomDD I agree, spontaneity with two young children is hard.

I think small gestures and surprises and the "little things" is key here. We both want things to improve so I think we're just trying to figure out what that looks like.