Advice needed - please!

[CLS22]

Been with partner for 11 years, we share a 8 year old DD. There have been many occasions in which I should have left but yes, I am a victim of that home life when as children some of us witness our mother not being able to break that cycle, and here I am.... trapped.

So many times my partner has messaged other women, flirting etc - always when he's drunk (which is often) there are too many occasions to mention here, but just know It's happened time and time again.

Latest one is someone I know - they were messaging about meeting up. He had said 'FaceTime' me one particular night whilst I slept.

WTF am I doing? And I why don't I find it so hard to leave? He's a complete split personality.. normal during the day, we all get on etc then it all changes.

I'm 35, I am desperate for a another baby and don't worry I wouldn't dare with him! But I am putting my life and happiness on hold and I really don't know what for?

I need to leave don't I... have I left it too late to find happiness and fulfil that desire to have another baby?

Sounds exhausting living with someoneone who is actively sabotaging your health and happiness, why do some men do this ? it always backfires on them.

I would drop the rope and concentrate on yourself, he's too selfish and you need to take back your own life.
He doesn't deserve you.

If he's a drunkard he will get worse.

Why do you refer to yourself as trapped?

@Watchkeys - trapped as in I have attachment issues, causing me to find it difficult to leave, even though I know I should x

You will not have long term
happiness with this man and the longer you stay you are denying yourself of your own happiness. I would set a better example to your daughter and go.
it is very difficult with anxious attachment style but you must do it, and you will come out so much stronger for it with better self esteem, therefore more attractive to potential future partners.
I had my second child at 40. I don’t feel like an old mum, and there are a couple of older mums than me at the school gate x

You're not trapped, you're in a cage with the door wide open but you daren't leave. Why?

Are you financially dependent on him? Because if you're not, there's simply no other reason to stay. You don't love him, he's unfaithful, he's a terrible role model to your DD and he stands in the way of you finding love again and completing your family. It's a no brainer. You must leave. Please let us help you.

I should add that even if you are financially dependent, that's no reason to stay either, it just might take a bit more doing to break free!

I know a woman who is like this in her 50s and her H has endlessly cheated on her. Don't be that woman!

Thank you for your replies.

I'm not financially dependant on him, no - which makes this even more silly that I struggle to leave. I have my ducks in a row, so it really is just down to having a conversation.

It's that classic situation if we get on we'll etc.. he's not an amazing dad by any means though, he does ok.

It's drink and drugs that make him turn into someone horrible at night who messages women (this happens once every few months). Flirts with them, tries to get their attention. I really think it's a need to feel wanted. I don't think he's actually every cheated - although I class texting as cheating so I guess he has, just not physically.

When I go to have the conversation I weirdly feel guilty because although it's his own fault, I know he'd be upset and then this whole things seems so hard.