I need to leave my husband

[Enigma12]

I’ve NC for this because I’m scared,

my husband has become a vile man. He’s rude an just out and out cruel to me on a daily. I need to leave him I have come to that decision. However I cannot work out the logistics.

we have 2 children one teens and one primary aged. We are married and bought our house together in both of our names, however a few years ago when things were “better” he convinced me to take my name of the mortgage as we would get a better deal. I then found out he was cheating, we worked through this and he said we would sort the mortgage out next time it was due for renewal (5 year fixed term) now though our relationship has declined massively. I pay him money directly each month for the bills but he is the breadwinner. I don’t know how I can leave if I do I will lose my house as he is the only one on the mortgage. He is lawyer so I never know if his “advice” is accurate and I will really leave with nothing or if he is just gaslighting me to stay with him. Can anyone advise what will happen? I need to make a plan to leave I cannot live like this much longer.

thanks in advance for any help

You're married it's a martial asset.

You're married.

Start with seeing a solicitor to find out what's what. You need a plan.

As others have said, being on the mortgage is immaterial, it will be considered a marital asset since you have presumably been together long enough to have a teen. He may be the 'breadwinner' but you seem to have access to money to pay bills, use it to employ a good solicitor to tell you the truth about what you can expect. Then plan accordingly and get out. Do not trust a single thing he says.
Good luck, you can and will do it.

Generally - assuming it’s a long marriage (as you have a teen) - all your assets are marital - the house and any savings Hoo may have.

So the most likely division of assets is 50/50. You get your share of equity and savings.

If you agree they kids spend equal amount of time at each of the parents - he won’t need to pay child maintenance. You would need to agree between yourselves how you divide the kids expanses - I.e. who buys clothes, uniforms, etc. or how you share those expenses.

Unless he earns a massive salary - you are unlikely to get any spousal maintenance. If you get any - it’ll be while your youngest is in primary. You’ll be expected to work full time when all kids are in secondary.

Solicitors are expensive. Unless you have a lot of assets - use them sparingly.

Does not matter whose name the house is in. It’s a joint marital asset and up for division

how assets are divided eill depend on a range of factors inc length of marriages, ages, ages of children, earning and earning potential, needs vs assets available etc

Go and see a solicitor. Your name doesn't need to be on the mortgage, as pp have said, the house and other assets are marital.

Do not leave . Tell him to leave . Is he violent in any way ? If so make a plan , leave the kids overnight with someone , ask him to leave , if he becomes violent or aggressive even if just screaming call the police , they will remove him and you can apply for a emergency non molestation order . Please contact a solicitor or woman’s aid .

Thanks for all the advice. I will start contacting the suggested people. He isn’t violent just nasty, namecalling ignoring me for days at a time there’s a constant atmosphere in here

Well done OP and good luck! I’m two years separated and yet to get divorced, I haven’t done things in the best order but it’s lovely being FREE

The Divorce/Separation board is really good, and also this - https://www.advicenow.org.uk/tags/separation-divorce-and-dissolution-civil-partnerships

Enjoy your happy life that is ahead of you x

@Enigma12

I would register a HR1 on the deeds. It's a notice of Home Rights which prevents your husband selling your home or borrowing against it.

Sorry - this is a long one!!! I have been married for over 20 years to someone I have enormous respect for. He is a kind man and we have 2 children age 19 and 15. My concern is we live a tramline existence- he has his hobbies and I have mine. We ‘co-habit but our sex life is non-existent and it is coming up to 5 years since we have been intimate with one another. I had cancer 9 years ago but have always been the more spontaneous one in the relationship but now even more so, pushing him out of his comfort zone and reminding him we have to keep awake. We have a great life with a lovely home that we both work for. He is an amazing Dad and such a clever person - I am in awe sometimes at the way he sets our future in stone financially. It really should be enough but I actually think he would be happier with someone else! I lost my Mum to suicide age 7 and was brought up by an incredible father who taught me about immortality but also doing the right thing! I am aware that I sometimes treat my husband unfairly - he doesn’t ‘see’ what needs to be done around the house - boring stuff like hedge cutting, chopping wood, sweeping leaves - so I do it all including decorating, hiring tradesman, gardening and sorting the maintenance around the house. I hate to ask him to help sometimes as I
feel like his Mum! This I sometimes resent and it builds my decision more. My DD is doing her GCSE’s next May and I do not want to hinder them in any way but I have been having doubts for about 3 years, but I just cannot lie to him anymore. Am I deluding
myself - is the grass greener - I was a very’awake’ person sexually but he never really was. I am lost, guilty and and worried!

As others have said, you have to see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row before you leave him. Good luck.