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Original poster

What are your needs in a relationship?

26 replies

27penny · 09/05/2023 19:33

So my therapist said to me.. in a new relationship you need to figure out whether a man meets your deep needs because you have left a marriage where your husband didn't meet your needs, and if in a new relationship a man doesn't then he isn't the man for you.. (something similar to that) 😂 So I am wondering what do you all consider to be deep needs in a realtionship?

OP posts:
Itsvalentino · 09/05/2023 19:44

Hmm in my first marriage I needed financial security, ex couldn’t provide that but worshipped the ground I walked on. Current DP of 12 years, I have the financial security I needed, but he doesn’t meet my emotional needs.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my ideal man is 50% ex and 50% DP 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I need to feel loved, supported, wanted, desired, and I also want someone that can pay half of the bills.

Original poster
27penny · 09/05/2023 19:52

@Itsvalentino You did better than me 🤣 ex didn't offer any support emotional or financial!

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Whatwouldscullydo · 09/05/2023 19:58

My needs are someone prepared to be a thing on their own not another " child " I have to look after. Because I want to want them not need them in my life. Happy with a he has his place i have mine set up.

I want mental and physical compatibility without having to choose between say great sex but poor behaviour or safe/reliable but boring/zero chemistry.

Apparently my standards to to high and this makes me cold😔

I'm destined to remain single obviously

Original poster
27penny · 09/05/2023 20:00

@Whatwouldscullydo love that.. man-child need not apply 🤣 is it possible to find one of those creatures that have it all 🤔

OP posts:
lavenderhaz · 09/05/2023 20:02

Someone understanding, calm, kind and patient and funny!

iwantabasketbag · 09/05/2023 20:03

I never had a relationship where it's been 100% of what I wanted, ex I didn't have much sexual attraction for my exh but he did want marriage and commitment, well at least for 18 years until he got fed up!
Next relationship, sexual attraction by the bucket loads but couldn't offer me much emotional security or long term commitment. So now seek emotional connection and attraction both are important to me.

ThisIsaNiceDress · 09/05/2023 20:04

Following!

AgnesX · 09/05/2023 20:10

Mental stability, kindness, patience, humour and staying power (and I don't mean in the bedroom). Oh and sensible financially but not a penny pincher but.

Whatwouldscullydo · 09/05/2023 20:10

27penny · 09/05/2023 20:00

@Whatwouldscullydo love that.. man-child need not apply 🤣 is it possible to find one of those creatures that have it all 🤔

Not met them so far. I find someone stupid enough to like me or look.my way. Who actually wants to be seen with me and do normal things like go out. Then immediately get the hots for someone who would rather die than have anyone know he was sleeping with me. My brain seems to be wired so that I only ever feel like I cant even be in the same room as them without wanting to shove them up against the wall with someone who would be the biggest disaster since the titanic.

I hate my brain

Original poster
27penny · 09/05/2023 20:20

lavenderhaz · 09/05/2023 20:02

Someone understanding, calm, kind and patient and funny!

Yes 🙌🏻

OP posts:
Original poster
27penny · 09/05/2023 20:22

iwantabasketbag · 09/05/2023 20:03

I never had a relationship where it's been 100% of what I wanted, ex I didn't have much sexual attraction for my exh but he did want marriage and commitment, well at least for 18 years until he got fed up!
Next relationship, sexual attraction by the bucket loads but couldn't offer me much emotional security or long term commitment. So now seek emotional connection and attraction both are important to me.

See thats the thing.. I've had the good sex but that was literally the only good thing about relationship.. I wonder is attraction and emotional connection enough, just a good human even if the sex isnt like on TV 😄🤔

OP posts:
Garethkeenansstapler · 09/05/2023 20:24

Interesting conversation and a sense of humour.

whatchagonnado · 09/05/2023 20:34

Someone who lets me be independent without getting controlling, possessive or jealous

I couldn't cope with a needy man at all

Leopardlives · 09/05/2023 20:53

I thought it was chemistry and sense of humour but I realise I also need emotional safety and commitment

SavBlancTonight · 09/05/2023 20:57

I need a man who respects who I am as a person, who gives me space and who doesn't try to control me. And I need a man who is not selfish or self absorbed, who thinks about the world and other people.

I have all kinds of wants but those are my only needs. I am lucky enough to have realised that dh was that. We have our moments but these core things remain.

concernedalot · 09/05/2023 22:00

i'd have liked about 70% or more in all categories, which include kindness, financial responsibility, sense of humour, intelligence, physical attraction, loyalty not necessarily in that order. Never met one so staying single here!

Livelifelaughter · 10/05/2023 20:20

Consistency - fed up with men who adore me then don't.
Protects me - makes me feel that I care and matter. The sort of person who puts their jacket on my shoulders when I am cold.
Clever - intellectually curious
Prioritises me - I don't want to feel that I am competing with friends, ex's etc

ButtonBound · 10/05/2023 21:12

Do men who offer these things exist?

Aren't they all just looking to get laid and waiting on the next best thing?

Or am I terribly jaded?

Livelifelaughter · 10/05/2023 21:15

ButtonBound · 10/05/2023 21:12

Do men who offer these things exist?

Aren't they all just looking to get laid and waiting on the next best thing?

Or am I terribly jaded?

Well my list is most definitely a wish list because I haven't met anyone yet who ticks each item...

IceStationHorse · 11/05/2023 07:11

Honesty
Humour
Good sex
Reliability
Able to discuss feelings, issues and apologise if need be.

Flufferblub · 11/05/2023 11:22

And he's got to be able to fly

Isheabastard · 11/05/2023 11:27

I’ve was married to an emotional bully for a long time.

I think my core need is to be treated as their equal. That single thing would stop a lot of poor behaviour dead in its tracks.

rockpoolingtogether · 11/05/2023 19:28

Financially stable, emotionally responsive (both with me and the children eg happy to discuss his feelings and ask me about mine, give a hug when it's obvious I am sad), take initiative with DIY and cleaning jobs.

Original poster
27penny · 11/05/2023 23:22

IceStationHorse · 11/05/2023 07:11

Honesty
Humour
Good sex
Reliability
Able to discuss feelings, issues and apologise if need be.

Love that list!

OP posts:
Original poster
27penny · 11/05/2023 23:26

AgnesX · 09/05/2023 20:10

Mental stability, kindness, patience, humour and staying power (and I don't mean in the bedroom). Oh and sensible financially but not a penny pincher but.

Yes mental stability is a must 🫣🤭

OP posts: