How do you deal with shit stirrers?

[Orange1992]

People who talk about you behind your back and cause trouble or look you up online to find things to use against you sort of thing.

I give them a stern look and don't invite them to my birthday parties

I pay them no mind.

I sometimes stir shit back at them and deliberately post things that I know will upset them ❤️

I report them to Brown Owl

Do they have the ear of people you do care about?

It can be very hard.

I ignore them. I suggest you do too…

😂😂😂😂

I ignore them.

And other than Mumsnet (which is anonymous) I don’t post things about me on social media.

Ignore. If anyone would believe anything without asking me first they wouldn't be someone I'd be bothered by.

What an insensitive response. You don’t have any details.

Minimise interactions with them to as low as possible
Review social media privacy settings/reduce or ditch social media in general
Try not to be bothered with it - mature, decent people will see straight through them

What's happened @Orange1992 ?

I don't engage at all. Especially when it's friends of a friend or something. So sad to be so invested in others business that affects your life in no way.

this actually happened to me at an event at the weekend, and I was a bit hurt by someone's comment they made to me, but I don't know this person, don't have social media for them to stalk and I'm very quiet and theyre not. I think I was hurt because it was a very personal remark they made, which made me think they're either gossiping with no good reason (our dc go to the same school, we've never had a conversation before) or our mutual friend had been gossiping. But they have no impact on my life so I can't get too worked up about stuff like this. I smiled and walked to a different area. Can't be bothered with drama.

@GeorgeGerald has said. Hope you're ok. Not everyone is rational - and not everyone is rational all the time. You can turn yourself upside down trying to figure out others behaviour - it makes no difference. Worst thing in my experience is to retaliate.

Worst thing in my experience is to retaliate.

Why @Crucible ?

I think you can retaliate in a good way and in a bad way.
@Orange1992 could give some more detail which would help, but for example, a retaliation that would serve you in the longer term is the ''shine a light on it technique'' which is incredible uncomfortable in the moment but tends to leave you feeling less disrespected. eg ''Regina B, I feel like you're being so warm to everybody else and as cold as ice to me. Is that your intention?''. So, eg, you just shone a light on what you saw. Supposedly they will respond with oh no no no gosh not that was not my intention. And then you are supposed to sweetly take them at their word and not push it. You say ''So glad!'' and leave it. But whenever I've used this technique I've had a response prepared for if they go down the route of telling me all my faults and why they have been as cold as ice to me. In other words, justifying their Regina Bee behaviour. I didn't have to use it but I had it ready in my head to say ''that may be, but it might be more mature/professional to disguise your dislike of me''.

Retaliation in the form of anger is likely going to leave you looking bad even though your anger might well be justified.

I’d probably not engage in the hope they’ll get bored.

Because I've had direct experience of retaliation (immediate family members) and the fall out from it @Euphemi. I've generally found that it doesn't end any better for the retaliating party.