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Original poster

Lazy husband

12 replies

twinklystar23 · 09/05/2023 14:24

We had this week booked off, but as my long-term illness has flared, we had decided to go on a short-break for a couple of nights, was going to book a hotel, so I can just get some rest and hopefully a decent nights sleep.
I can only manage short bursts of activity, but this morning I have cooked breakfast, got stuff prepared, and emailing the hotel, re; the booking (that's taking time) in between trying to rest.
DH had done nothing sweet F.A I've tried to say that this is making me feel resentful, angry, but he just tells me to "have a rest" then just goes back to the PC or reading his kindle.
This is nothing new, but being so ill, with everything taking 20 x the effort, let alone the discomfort and pain it causes is making me feel shall I even bother to book it? on the other hand, perhaps I should just book it, pack and leave him the address, he can sort himself out. Or thinking of just not doing anything, but know I will be so pissed off, yet (another) holiday ruined by his complete lack of doing anything with regards to preparation. WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
twinklystar23 · 09/05/2023 14:28

might sound obvious but I haven't had a full nights sleep in two months, can't get a GP appointment, and for me at the moment just booking and packing feels like a mountain to climb......

OP posts:
Imogensmumma · 09/05/2023 14:32

Can you give him the number: contact details and tell him here contact them about x,y and x I’m going to bed?

Original poster
twinklystar23 · 09/05/2023 14:33

I could try! though knowing him, he would likely not do it at all.

OP posts:
BanditsOnTheHorizon · 09/05/2023 16:04

Do everything you need to do for you then leave the lazy fucker at home.

frozendaisy · 09/05/2023 16:57

Can you just ask him why he let's his wife suffer like this? See what he says?

Have you said I can't rest because you won't do anything that needs doing. You leave it all to me always and spoil everything.

Have you just told him exactly how you feel.

Original poster
twinklystar23 · 09/05/2023 18:00

Immogensmumma so have tried that but no change.

Frozendaisy ive tried but not those questions. He feels any break would be for me, due to my current limitations. Completely sidestepping any issues, as "he wants to relax" which he has done since Saturday.
Banditsonthehorizon - thanks my thoughts made me smile 😁

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 09/05/2023 18:59

I am in a similar position to you - lazy DP and chronic illness (ME) which requires me to rest.

There is ONE thing which to my great surprise has helped. Believe me, I have tried many many things over the years.

I now do a chores rota every weekend for the entire week. I only include 2 chores on it, which are the two we absolutely must do every single day (dishwasher unload, pet care). So each week I discuss it with DP. He works at home full time. Due to my illness, I only work a few hours per week. On my days off, I do both chores. On my busier days, DP does both. Most other days, we do one chore each.

giggly · 09/05/2023 19:06

Your husbands are lazy because you keep doing things that benefit them.
stop it, stop it all, dont cook for them, don’t wash their clothes, book your own holiday. They have no incentive to change at all.
I had one and left after 30 years of waiting for them to take the initiative, they didn’t no matter what.
nonpoint in saying “oh they are great in many ways” no their not they are lazy inconsiderate buggers

Original poster
twinklystar23 · 09/05/2023 20:03

dizzydizzydizzy that's useful, but how does it work? as presumably there are more than 2 chores to do in a day? I do it all. Life admin, ALL the chores when not unwell.
giggly did you do any of those things before you split? just know that it would result in tantrums, accusations etc.
He can't even see much point in booking anything himself. Am thinking that he bought me a spa day for Xmas, that I haven't used, so thinking that I just book that he's done fuck all since ending work on Friday, I appreciate he works full-time ( I do PAID WORK p.t) but this zero input into anything is depressing, even when it would benefit him - no effort whatsoever.

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 09/05/2023 20:54

I just wanted to start small with the 2 chores that can absolutely never be left til the next day. I will gradually add chores. I wanted to see if this would work first.

Mumsanetta · 09/05/2023 22:08

dizzydizzydizzy · 09/05/2023 20:54

I just wanted to start small with the 2 chores that can absolutely never be left til the next day. I will gradually add chores. I wanted to see if this would work first.

This is how I would teach a child to take responsibility for chores. Does it not kill any attraction and respect you have for your DP?

dizzydizzydizzy · 09/05/2023 23:09

No attraction and respect, sadly.

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