I’m pregnant and been with baby’s father for almost 3 years. We don’t live together as it’s not financially possible right now although we have been saving to rent a house together eventually. He spends every weekend at my house and sleeps over several days in the week depending on his work schedule, but I do see him daily. Our relationship has generally been a good one, he felt like the one within months I just knew I loved him, I’ve never smiled so much with anyone else before and feel I can be myself which never happened with exes.
Despite this there are issues that make me hold back and question if we will be happy long term. In the first year he’d talk about our wedding, our first house and children. He told me he was saving for a ring. I wasn’t initially fussed as I don’t believe there’s any rush but it made me happy and excited. No ring has ever materialised. (marriage isn’t a deal breaker to me but it’s the Principle of suggesting it and not asking)
Obviously now I’m pregnant and we’re both very excited and happy, I know we will parent very well together regardless what happens with our relationship. His family are fantastic and I couldn’t ask for more.
however I have doubts about being with him because I have a very over active mind and over think everything in minute detail, to the point where I have convinced myself he was leading me on with the engagement talk. Aside from that there are also issues in the bedroom. He promised to get help which took 10 months and now we are waiting on test results a month later. I am beginning to think he never saw the doctor at all. I have asked him if it’s me, if he’s gay, if he’s got a low libido, porn addiction, anything I could think of to get to the bottom of it. He assures me no to all those things. I know he’s definitely not cheating as he works with my brother and comes here straight from work, he doesn’t have any friends or ever socialises which puts a lot of pressure on me when I want space and time alone, but he’s with me every minute we’re not working.
Im not painting him in a good light really but he is a lovely person and when we’re together I’m happier than ever before. I just have a niggling feeling that I’m wasting my time and I’ll be left bitterly hurt and disappointed in years to come. A relationship can hardly progress without marriage and living together, can it?
I wondered if it was pregnancy hormones causing these doubts and insecurities but I spoke to him about how I felt. He didn’t take it in and overshadowed my feelings by saying we’re happy and it’ll be fine. I told him I want to separate and co parent instead as I want the full package ie, passion, romance, partnership, fully trusting and secure. He’s obviously heartbroken and wants to make it work but he hasn’t been able to provide those things. I feel awful that I’m destroying my baby’s family before they have even arrived so I’m doubting my feelings and wondering if I should force myself to plod along holding onto the good things we have.
Do doubts always mean run? Please be kind I’m hurt enough as it is so I don’t need criticism about being pregnant as I often see on here, I only mentioned it to highlight the fact I can’t end it and cut him off forever. I do love him but I want more. Thanks in advance