Expectations in on line dating . Please advise

[leadinmypencils]

I am Jewish to old and am learning as I go .
I was iin a twenty year marriage and am relatively new to this scene .
I've mostly had married men who mostly want sex , contact me despite being explicit about wanting a long term relationship.
Others have just stopped contact when I didn't engage in sex talk or send pics.
Other pulled away when I started to ask questions eg when they were being ambiguous or avoiding basic questions.

I'm delighted that these men revealed themselves to me so early and they certainly helped me tighten my boundaries and really streamline my choices .
I have a couple of non negotiable don line so I'm sticking to those even though they could be seen as shallow but I know what I want now in terms of physical attributes, work , distance etc.
So the one thing I seem to get wrong is the level of contact when initially texting.
After I March with a man and conversation gets going on text, I'm beginning to wonder if I expect too much.
Some men have stopped chatting mid flow and maybe text a day or two later .
Others have said , when I've told them I'm busy for the next few hours .. ok chat later on this evening.... and then they don't message .
So taking this example ... if a man says that we will resume conversation later on but doesn't or doesn't respond, I happen to think that's rude. Am I wrong here . Am I expecting to much?
Is it ok for him to resume conversation the next day or is that rude and nonchalant to you...
I'm not sure fair with the rules but I always say in text that I'm busy so will chat later and follow up.
I thought it was just manners... being polite.
What are your thoughts on this on line dating communicating etiquette ?
Thanks

So that was meant to be newish !

Did you mean newish to OLD?
IME, "if a man says that we will resume conversation later" means he may or may not get back to you.
A bit like "See you later" means 'might see you sometime'

Yes ! A typo !
Thanks.

Yesterday for example I was chatting away to man and said that I had to go and was busy until late last night so would chat later.
He said that was lovely and we'd catch up later on.
I messaged late last night. He read it a couple of hours later but hasn't responded.

Is this normal. I feel like such a dinosaur these days 😂

If you are the one who is busy, then I'd say the onus would be on you to be the one to text first when you are free, otherwise they might see it as an excuse.
There's alo a difference between messaging via the OLD app (more like email really) or texting via your phone.

We're texting on WhatsApp.
I did message once I wasn't busy anymore .
He read it a few hours later but never responded . At least not yet.
He seemed relatively eager yesterday !

Most people are messaging more than one person at a time. If they’re more interested in one / some more than others, they’ll usually just let the conversation drift. They may well have meant it when they initially said ”chat later” but have since changed their minds. I don’t think this is sex based: as a woman, I don’t consider that I owe anything to men who are strangers simply because we’ve exchanged some messages. I certainly don’t explain myself as to why I’ve stopped messaging. Who, after all, actually wants to hear “now that we’ve exchanged a few more messages I just find you not very interesting as I did at first and have better options available.”

It’s ultimately a numbers game. Don’t pin all your hopes on one person, keep making contact with a range of new people yourself.

So you did text him back and he hasn't yet replied? Give it time, he might be busy, people don't tend to explain that they are going to be busy. The OLD app is something people duck in and out of when free. If he disappears longer than a couple of days without reason, probably not worth pursuing.

Yeah, unfortunately this is pretty standard behaviour on OLD. I would allow a day or 2 for them to reply back but don't get your hopes up.

People generally are quite rude I think. It's as if being online makes them forget there's a real person on the other end.

Ok thanks.
I suppose in my circle , we generally do reply when we say we're going to and we certainly don't drift off mid conversation. As a rule, we casually say when we're busy and will be off line of mid conversation .
All new and appreciate the advice from the experienced in line daters .
Don't want to be eager but still value manners

@leadinmypencils , there's a filter for you then. If they say they'll be back and they don't get back to you, move on.

Thanks. How long would you give them or would you be black and white and give no exceptions? So for example ... would you delete them today if they said they continue chat last night ?

If you say you are busy, and they say 'Speak later', contact them when you aren't busy.

They may be at work, I'd expect to hear from them tonight. If not, then they aren't interested. I used to chat to at least 4 or 5 at the same time, it allows for natural attrition

I wouldn't read too much into things or over think it. This is a person that you haven't met and doesn't know you. They are not going to make plans around contacting a stranger on a dating app. I don't delete people unless they are offensive or rude.
Tbh you have to be quite thick skinned with OLD. I don't think it's for everyone, I dabble in it now and then but actually have only had relationships from meeting people naturally. What it does do is makes you get back into dating which if you have had a break is a good thing. You might find it better to meet people more quickly rather than messaging or asking to speak by phone.

Are you looking for Mr Normal, or Mr Everything-he-does-makes-me-smile?

I think @ComtesseDeSpair post above just about captures it TBH. Try to view everyone you speak to on OLD as a stranger, even if you think you're getting on famously via messaging - you really don't know anything until you meet up.

Everyone has a different messaging style and although we do love to categorise everyone - there aren't really any rules. Some guys will keep up a regular stream of messages and you'll feel like you're in constant contact - others will only message every few days or so and they are also equally keen but they just have different lifestyles or different amounts of time to dedicate to messaging people.

Best bits of advise are - dont get over invested too early. People on here generally advise to speak to multiple men at one time in the early stages of just chatting. For me that didn't really work as i was always drawn to one particular guy at a time. Do what works for you - but either way try not to get too over excited about anyone until you've met a couple of times at least.
Try to meet up with dates as soon as you can - view it as just meeting interesting people. I met with guys who i'd never have crossed paths with in "real life" and I always found that interesting as you come across all sorts - both good and bad!!

Have fun with OLD - honestly if you look after yourself and enjoy yourself it can be liberating.

I did OLD for 3 years in my early 30s. The experience was mostly terrible. Wasted so much time chatting for weeks to be ghosted when I mentioned meeting up.

I did try speed dating which was a good laugh. If you have any single friends why not get them involved and make a night of it. I didn't have single friends but I brought 2 friends along who had a few drinks at the bar while I was speed dating. Got to fill them in on the break. My theory is, if they're willing to spend the £20 or whatever and make the effort to go then they're probably more serious about meeting someone than a dude who's just downloaded the app for an ego boost or to fish for sex.

That way, you're cutting out all the chit chat and going straight to meeting them. If you don't match with anyone you just join your friends at the bar and go out for the night.