Is 43 old to be starting anew?

[Helpots]

Some of you may have seen my desperate posts on here, re my H leaving me after months of our marriage breaking down.

I'm clearly not yet ready to get back out there and I assume this is a common fear in separation but I'm so scared that I'm going to be on my own for the rest of my life, and the thought overwhelms me. Me and H had been together for 13 years, married 4 years, he's raised my daughter as his own since she was 7. I thought life and the future was settled at our ages

Please send me positive stories of how once the dust settles, you can find love again in your mid-40s - I never felt old until this happened to me

I met dp at 46!

I was 41 when I split with my ex of 19 years (2 kids to him). I too was scared to be alone and jumped into OLD I jumped back out after 8 months or so as it appeared most of the horror stories seemed to be real. I have been happily single for 3.5 years.

A friend of mine hooked up with a guy aged 52 (him similar age) and they are loves young dream. Seriously the cutest and most loved up couple ever. They have just slotted into a shared life brilliantly. Travelling the country and doing boring and mundane day to day stuff.

It is a scary time op, and whilst I agree you need to take some time for yourself, there is new life to be had in your 40s! I got divorced and when I felt ready, I met my now partner at work when I was 39, very nearly 40. 3 years later we're engaged and buying our first house together. Wish you luck and be kind to yourself.

You’re not too old definitely not, but don’t be afraid to be on your own for a bit. Jumping from
one relationship to another isn’t generally a great recipe for success

I completely agree, @Zanatdy . If DH and I split up, I wouldn’t be in any hurry to get into a new relationship. Being single can be very liberating, you just have to please yourself for a change. Quite frankly, being a partner can tiring at times.

OP how are you finding things almost a year on? I hope you have found some happiness of your own.

It’s all very fresh for me and I’m having exactly the same fear of being alone. Things like holidays, weekends and evenings by myself with a toddler seem so so lonely.

Have you managed to carve out some new interests and things that fulfill you? Or is it still too soon? Im finding it seems like a mountain right now.

I moved country on my own at 43, setting up a new home and life here in Portugal. Met my DP 3 years later and still together 15 years later.

After a 20 yrs miserable marriage I found myself single at 42. Met DP when I was 43, we met on OLD. Been together 19 years and still in love with each other.

I was very scared to leave my marriage, but once it was over I wished I’d done it sooner

It took me too long to take the courage to leave my 10 year marriage to a terrible man.
So glad I did as i got together with a wonderful man at the age of 45. He is a few years younger.
9 years later we are happier than ever. We are getting married this year as well.

You will be happy again , you will rise again. I wish you luck, be kind to yourself and give yourself time to liberate yourself away from your past experience with your ex. There are good men out there and no such thing as too old.

@Sparklenote you’ll have come across this thread because the likelihood is that you’re where I was 1 year ago - bereft, heartbroken, petrified. So I want to take time to tell you about my last 12 months in the hope that it will help you.

firstly the negatives - I actually had a mental breakdown and ended up in respite care for a week, crisis support for months, psychiatric and psychological care. I’ve since been diagnosed with PTSD and I see a counsellor once a week. I filed for divorce in July, he’s taking me to court because he wants to make me sell my house.

I’m still on medication, although I’ve reduced the dose. I have little panics, I wake up anxious and it’s always on my mind - constantly. However the anxiety now is related to me wanting to keep my house.

through working with support services, they’ve made me realise that I’ve been a victim of sustained narcissistic abuse. My ex still goes round playing the victim to anyone who’ll listen, telling them how he’s ’in a bad place’ because of our ‘separation.’

I will honestly say, it has been the worst time of my life.

So onto the positives, of which there are many and vastly outweigh the bad:-

I have fallen back in love with myself
I have realised that I have absolutely beautiful friends and family around me
I no longer have a constant dread of walking on eggshells
my relationship with my daughter is joyful and full of love
I am becoming myself again
close friends keep telling me that I’ve ’got my glow back/that I’m glowing’ for the first time in years
I’ve taken on additional bar work and it’s hard with working FT but I’m having a ball
I will not spend the rest of my life tethered to an abusive narcissist and his mum, and I’m still only 44

re. Finding someone else - I don’t want anyone - that may change in the future and this may sound cheesy but I’m currently having a relationship with myself, getting to know me again, and I am falling for myself.

I get asked out a lot, I’m yet to accept - there is an annoyance that a lot of blokes think you’re desperate because you’re suddenly single and in your 40s

I hope this helps - I am a million miles away from not only where I was when he walked out on me but from during the marriage. He made it his mission to make my life as miserable as his - and as for him? He’s living at his mums in her spare room (he’s 46!) and from what I hear, is as miserable as sin - he was texting my daughter about how he was struggling only last week - bless!

I became single at 40. After a long marriage. It was a huge thing to go through. Now two years later I feel happy and free. I took a year to myself then tried old. It was an eyeopener but I met a few lovely guys. Also most wanted a second date. I now stay off the apps mostly because I’m happy as I am. You will get there.

@Helpots Thank you for taking the time to share your story. Yes, I am in the midst of separation right now. My partner isn’t narcissistic but is incredibly selfish and I’ve been put through a lot these past months.

So nice to hear you have come out the other side and have focused on yourself for your own happiness. We shouldn’t rely on others for this and I know I will feel joy again but right now it seems impossible.