DW and I (both late twenties), married 2 years and 1 DD (15 months - do the maths!) both in stable well paying jobs but that are intense, and own a house together. I recently had a stroke and DW is on anti depressants.
Anniversary recently, and I’m trying to work out if we are both burnt out or if this is the road to divorce.
Our relationship has never been easy, and we are both strong personalities who have trouble backing down or accepting the other person is different in their interests, approach to money, faith, approach to raising children etc. all except the same moral values. It’s often seemed like a battle to convince the other to live the life each other wants to live and this may be the root of it all.
Our DD is lovely and beautiful, but at an age where they become a real handful, she’ll only sleep in our bed, and DW refuses to help with settling her into own room, so routine gets broken if I try and then have to do an over night. so we have little to no sexual contact. Adding in work commitments and lack of nearby family to help out, and our relationship has become essentially practical based on DD and making a home.
DW and I both seem more interested in spending time with friends than each other leisure wise. We have a tight knit shared friendship group but an odd dynamic where we each have an opposite sex singe friend we are much better suited to and spend lots of time with, indeed they are both separate godparents to our daughter.
As far as I know this hasn’t crossed a line yet with either of us, but there are lots of running jokes with quite a bit of truth in it, that we would be better off swapping partners. Ultimately though this is all fantasy and distraction as the realities are that it just wouldn’t work in either case and the fallout would be too much on everyone, especially our daughter who Is central to me staying with DW.
It’s clear both DW and I have entered a bit of a contempt cycle and are not happy in the relationship as it stands. Neither of us could afford to leave without a major financial hit. but then I keep thinking that maybe we are both just burnt out and stressed, we used to be a strong, if hot blooded relationship in our early twenties and I hope there is a route back to that.