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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating Thread 241 - May We All Meet The One

10 replies

SortingItOut · 09/05/2023 05:51

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 09/05/2023 05:53

Couldn't see another thread so apologies if there is one,I'll delete this one.

Here's some other advice I came up with when I was last on the thread:

Nowadays the questions you need to ask to establish things are IMHO:

  1. Are you on the apps? You may need to expand on this as he may think having a profile but not logging in means he is off it. Also is his profile hidden or deleted?
  1. Is he multi dating? Not multi dating doesnt mean you are boyfriend/girlfriend, it just means he isnt dating others?
Does he envisage he wants to multidate now or in the future?
  1. Are you exclusive? This is different to the boyfriend/girlfriend question. Is he chatting/flirting/sexting/emotionally or physically intimate with anyone else?
Some people think exclusive is sexual exclusivity but I think sexting others is not an exclusive behaviour.
  1. What are you? Casually dating? Going with the flow? Boyfriend/girlfriend?
Lots in between all those too.
  1. For further down the line....what do you think is cheating? It is important that you have similar views on what constitutes cheating and what is acceptable behaviour.

Think about what you want now and in the future and your answers to those questions and then ask him.
If you're intimate already then questions 1 -3 are perfectly fine to ask for now.

Question 4 can come later or if 1 - 3 go well.

OP posts:
LostidentityM · 09/05/2023 08:28

Thanks for the new thread!

Bowbowbo · 09/05/2023 09:02

Checking in - thank you for the new thread. How are things with you, @SortingItOut?

ThePredictableScript · 09/05/2023 09:32

I've had 4 dates with my OLD first date so far, only met 10 days ago! Both deleted tinder. Both eachothers first dates. He seems perfect. What could possibly go wrong?!?! Hmm haha.

Eeksteek · 09/05/2023 15:00

Hello, fellow long-time daters. And hello to new faces too. I’m back, because I have an update. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.

Old-timers will remember a certain MrPug, who was beyond frustrating to date, and left a sizeable dent in my heart. (New faces need to know he was a hell of man, but impervious to my physical charms, then sent me rather an abrupt message and ghosted me.) I had much angst over whether I should message him, and was strongly and most wisely advised not to. Of course, I did. Once after a week, once after he had finished the work project I felt was responsible and once at Christmas. He ignored the first one, sent me an apology and a lame ‘no spark’ excuse after around a month, and a little smalltalk at Christmas. He promised to pop in when he was passing. He passes often and I have neither seen nor heard from him. No surprises there. I took up with MrPottery, who makes me very happy, although things began to fizzle out a bit after about three months, he has some things going on and asked for a little space. So, having left it to him to arrange things, we now have zero plans. Although we are still in contact, comms have also dropped massively. I suspect we are each putting the other in the ‘lovely, but not for me’ category. Pity, as he’s awesome in bed, but there you have it.

IMAGINE my shock, dear readers, when moments, mere moments after I had said to a friend I wasn’t actively looking, but wouldn’t turn down an opportunity should one arise, who should pop up in my messages but Pug. I NEVER thought I would see that again. You could have picked my jaw up off the floor. We exchanged a little small talk, and he asked if I were seeing anyone. I implied no, so he asked me out for a drink. Well, should I go? Of course not! Did I? Of course I did.

Without being too outing, he had a serious and scary health issue, which affected his energy levels and libido. He didn’t know until after Christmas, but it is well managed now. It’s in my scope as an ex health professional, so I know what he says is medically correct and no-one would learn about it to lie anyway. It’s too obscure.

So dear readers, I met him for a drink. And a car-park kiss. And, well, he’s definitely more tactile than I remember. Things are progressing apace. He is clearly a new man. I, on the other hand, am seriously feeling some aches and pains from not-quite-but-darn-close-to-it-car-sex. He’s back to texting a number of times a day, and following a few saucy texts from me about a cheeky afternoon vibrator session I indulged in, he was disappointed to only have been informed after the fact, had some suggestions for next time, and a plea for some real time updates. Who’d have thunk?

It just goes to show, you NEVER know what’s around the corner. I have never been so surprised. I was absolutely floored. (Now I need to go back and catch up with you all)

Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/05/2023 17:27

Hey everyone
there are 2 threads running !

Summer is going to be great for OLDaters and friends 47 replies

i did suggest it be renamed

Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/05/2023 17:29

Eeksteek

i remember !
sorry to hear pottery came to an end (cest la vie though with dating sadly …)

and Pug Is back
so be careful as I remember he hurt you last time ? But yes , they pop back don’t they …

LostidentityM · 09/05/2023 19:07

@Thisisworsethananticpated this should be the right thread purely because i enjoy seeing the thread number go up and up!

Mollymolloy · 25/09/2023 21:06

Fantastic news @Eeksteek!! Who would have thought it. Hope it all goes well now.

Janinejones · 25/09/2023 21:41

Thanks for the new Thread.
@Eeksteek , that sounds fun for you. Hope it goes well.

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