Dh and I have been together 25yrs. I was 18 and he was 22 when we first met. We have 3 DC aged 7, 9 and 11.
Dh has been 'off' for around 6 months. Dying his hair, dressing differently, started smoking again, drinking more often, going out more often, under performing at work and constantly complaining about our life together - house not clean enough, kids are annoying him, not enough sex, not enough cuddles etc. We've had multiple conversations about his complaints and agreed to work together but life just pulls us back into the rut.
2 month ago we had a big argument. He said he wanted the girl I was 25 years back again. This really upset me and made me self reflect. Obviously, I have changed over 25 yrs but I realised I do very little for myself, friends have dropped away over the years and my time is dedicated to the family and work. I have lost myself and maybe I don't even know who I am now, just going about the daily routine. Dh felt terrible his words had such a great impact on me and apologised saying he mis-spoke etc and we moved forwards.
10 years ago dh fell out his friends. This friendship group were always an issue in our relationship in the past. Constant daytime drinking, fighting, football hooliganism, speaking crudely about my body and woman in general. I choose not to be involved with them but this did strain our relationship but wasn't to reason they fell out. I have now found out DH reconnected with them 6 months ago and he spent the weekend daytime drinking with them. He's over the moon that none of them have changed at all! I am certainly not over the moon. I have been alone all weekend with the kids and have been told he will also be spending next weekend with them too.
I think this reconnection with the old friends explains his behaviour the last 6 months and I think he's probably having a midlife crisis.
Whilst I do love dh and have loved growing with him. I know, on reflection, I had fallen out of love with him whilst he was with these friends previously and the person he was with them. He knows I am apprehensive about the rekindling but says he's doing it for him and hasn't spoken to me all weekend as he thinks I'm being selfish. Maybe I am, but I know If his friends haven't changed at all, then I will be deeply unhappy and alone. I feel this is the beginning of the end.
I am not the same person he met 25 years ago and I do not want dh to be the same person he was 25 yrs ago.
What do I do? See how it goes? Keep pushing my concerns? Approach the situation with caution? Focus on kids and work and see how things pan out? Don't I deserve more?