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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’ve become crap at all other relationships since becoming a mum

2 replies

Feelinadequate23 · 08/05/2023 21:57

Don’t know if anyone else feels like this? I used to think (and the relevant people would tell me) that I was a good daughter, sister, wife, granddaughter, niece, cousin and friend. I checked up on people, replied promptly to messages, made sure I saw people at decent intervals, remembered what people were up to and asked them about it, sent them nice cards and/or thoughtful presents for their birthdays and Christmas etc.

since becoming a mum 16 months ago I feel like I’m failing in all of these now apart from maybe wife, but that’s mostly because DH and I are a good team and have both drastically reduced our expectations of any romance or anything much more than “parenting” (and sex!)

with all the others I just don’t seem to have any mental capacity to think about anyone else properly at all. I take ages to reply to texts as I genuinely don’t get a moment some days (I work full time and then parent the rest of the time), I don’t feel like I have the time or inclination to meet up with people so much unless they organise it and it’s easy to fit in with DC schedule. when I do see people I can’t remember much about what they’re up to. And cards/presents have gone almost completely out the window, they just feel beyond me now. I half expected to feel like this for the first few months, but not to still feel like it 16 months down the line. I worry about what it will mean for those relationships when DC gets older and more independent and I maybe get the brain space again. But right now it just feels like far too much as DC’s needs take up what’s left of my brain outside of work.

has anyone else felt like this? And when did it end?

OP posts:
Feelinadequate23 · 08/05/2023 22:21

I should add nobody has said anything to me yet but it’s only a matter of time as I’ve missed a couple of close birthdays recently 😔

OP posts:
OhwhyOY · 09/05/2023 07:14

I definitely feel like this and my DC is 2. No advice here except I think you just need to be honest with people and tell them not to think you don't care, you're just fully loaded with DC and work. Hopefully once DC a bit older life will be easier...!

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