he is no longer interested in celebrating my birthday

[penguincollection]

I have no family here only my DP who for past 3 years has been really dismissive of my birthday. 8 years ago he used to have all prepared and was trying to make the day special. Last 3 years have been awful. My big birthday few years ago no flowers, no cake. I was very sad and crying on my birthday and covid was not an excuse as others received flowers and cakes. past few years there is always last minute gift drama. he asks me literally days before my birthday what I want and if he can not get it in time for the day he blames me for it. I only tell him what I want if he asks otherwise I will not be telling him month before what I want specially if he moans about money all the time. He can not moan about his finances one minute and next minute blame me I did not tell him what I want for my birthday. I said I would like time with him. He can take days off but chooses not to so it is 5th birthday out of 8 years I will be sitting on my own. I am so so sad about it and really do not want gifts I would rather have time together but I can sense he doesn't want that. I do not know why is he with me, maybe for the care and housekeeping I provide. he is much older than me. I do not even get birthday sex once a year as we sleep in separate bedrooms. and before anyone says why are you with him? I have a bit of a complicated personal situation otherwise would be long gone. On top of that his adult children have not once bought me a gift despite me throwing birthday celebrations for them and their partners. Trying to create that family union. I am beyond sanded by all this and I think this is how guys who lost interest behave. They do just the bare miniumum to keep you ticking along but there is no romance, affection, genuine thought put into the giving. What do you think? Please be gentle. x

What's the situation that prevents you being long gone? It doesn't sound like you're getting much out of this.

@herewegoroundthebastardbush money, low income

So you're with him for his money and he's with you for your care and housekeeping. Sounds pretty fair to me; at least he's not pretending there's more to it than that, whereas it seems you would like both of you to pretend.

Seriously if money is the only thing keeping you in the relationship, have some self respect and leave. Different if you have children but if it's just you and him, staying for the money is not a very sympathetic position.

It is unreasonable to expect love and affection in a relationship where neither party has those feelings for the either.
The relationship is not meaning to him, so why would he put any effort into celebrating your birthday? He .probably does not care about celebrating his birthday either.

If you recognize this as a transactional arrangement where each of you are using the other for convenience, you will stop expecting the same things that you would in a relationship based upon love and affection.

Correct: meaningful not meaning

So stop doing anything for their birthdays then !

Ignore the twats desperate to paint you as a gold digger just because he’s older and you have a low wage - I don’t know what women get out of pushing these stereotypes.

This isn’t a man who cares for you, he’s using you. Forget birthdays and certainly don’t throw any for him or his kids anymore, instead focus on making the money you need to get out. You say you have no family here, which makes me wonder if you moved here for him? If so, do you have the right to work?

She literally said she’s there for the money….

Where?

Op's 1st reply

How old are you both roughly OP? How do you see the next 5 years playing out? 10? 15? If he dies or breaks up with you where does that leave you housing wise?

I think you know birthdays and lack of fuss about them are a side issue.

Give yourself the birthday gift of freedom ✨️ 😌

Seriously what does he do to enhance your life?

No, she said the reason its hard to just up and leave is because of money, and she has a low income.

That does not translate to she stays with him for his money! Perhaps he has none aswell. Or perhaps he has lots and OP has no access to any and uses her low wage to pay 50% of the bills (as is shickingly common on her it seems).

But her current financial situation is shit and she does not have the finances to simply walk out to start on her own with nothing.

What a miserable existence.

Is it really about money (it sounds like neither of you have any)or is it about fear of what will happen if you decide to end the relationship?

There's more to life than this.

No, she’s says that’s the reason why it’s hard to leave, because she doesn’t have much money.

You poor love, it doesn’t have to be like this and you deserve more in life. My DH is much older than me, but makes me feel cherished every day including my birthday. We are careful with money so he usually makes me a picnic for my birthday and drives us somewhere special to have it. I love our thermos of tea! He makes me feel beautiful and desired and special.
You can spend time slowly building up your finances, and you can leave. You have the strength to know you are worth more.