Need some tips…..

[Grenola]

A relationship has come to an end, in a cold horrible way with ‘bye’ and bung blocked. We have only been together for 3 months but I had very strong feeling towards him, our connection and chemistry was intense and lovely.

I’m a divorced mum of three, he’s a separated dad of two.

the last few weeks I’ve had some concerns over his mental health, he’s drinking more and stressed over arrangements of seeing his children and toxic difficult relationship with his ex. These two things alone are enough for me to have questioned whether we should be together. We don’t spend a lot of time together or have excessive contact but our feelings are very intense and when together it is bliss.

as far as I’m concerned it is over, since he has blocked me after a few abstract messages and the last one ‘bye’ we havnt broken up as such or spoke about this.

we did have a very honest open conversation on Saturday where I told him my boundaries iver drinking and my concerns over his self esteem and the emotional support he needs from me. I did say I was scared that it wasn’t good for me.

which I think had fuelled him pushing me away, and he is probably doing it for my own good.

I am feeling really heartbroken, it feels so hard. I think I need to try and reframe how I feel about him to help me get through this and keep him out of my life.

has anyone got any tips for how I can do this? How I can stop thinking about him as the lovely person he is when we are together? Please help me! :-(

Hold on to what you didn't like about him, the chemistry can only last so long and already it's not enough to make you happy.
It's over, keep it that way, if he tries to come back be firm with yourself, the only way to move on is no contact, keep doing things you enjoy, keep in contact with friends and look forward to life, he was only a small part of it in the scheme of things.

Thank you. I am going to write a list of what didn’t feel good. It feels so hard though. I’m hoping as it’s only a new relationship this heartache won’t last long.
mute scared me that age 40 the feelings I had for him were deeper than any other time I’ve fell for someone.

You don’t need to focus on the negative or overthink it. You weren’t a good match, he wasn’t in the right place for a relationship. It’s okay to feel sad. Let yourself ride the waves of grief. It will pass.

I'm going through this too; five months, but just not right.

Reading what you've written, your guy had problems. Was he moody, difficult, emotionally needy? That's how it is coming across to me. Therein lies the intensity as well perhaps?

I think you have had a lucky near miss. It could have been - but it wasn't.

That's the kicker - it could have been, but it is not going to be.

I got through the early days by writing endlessly in my journal on my laptop, endless crap, how we met, the first bits, the good bits, how it went wrong, what it all means. It filled the time and kept me close to him when I wasn't ready to just let go. It also helped me solidify why I felt as I felt, what he did that turned me off. That might help you - you have seen things you are wise to own up, and it's just the disappointment left.

But chin up - summer is here, loads to look forward to, and you have cleared the way to meeting the next man who will be better.

Thank you for your comments x

no he wasn’t moody at all, it’s more that he’s weighed down by stress over seeing his children and his ex. So that is a red flag for me. It’s just mostly this past week he has been struggling with it all and I ca see he is very stressed and drinking to calm and relax. I don’t like that.

I love him, I really do. But I’m not convinced in what he comes with and the ability for us to build something for the future that is safe and stable for me and the kids.

I also realise I don’t know him very well as it has t been long, so I don’t know if this is just him or it’s him during a bad time. So it’s a timing thing. Which In itself still spells the end doesn’t it

I suppose so. Sigh. Another one bites the dust.

At least you haven't continued and got hurt. There is that. Will you try again? I'm going to take some time off and be VERY wary when someone does eventually come along.

Good night x

Yeah, it’s like ripping the plaster off early.
I feel like I don’t want to let this happiness leave my life, but I can’t get him to a place he can deal with a Relationship I suppose. But I also has this terrible feeling that I am bailing at the first sign of trouble or difficulty. I won’t soend one minute where I feel like I’m compromising anything…. And this comes from being marriage for a long time and feeling rubbish and shit. So it’s either s good thing I’m doing it or I’m scared and running away.

Mental health and drinking??

You are right to run away x

Grenola

were it not for some variations , I’d have thought you were dating my ex ! Very similar issues and challenges

I don’t think divorce is easy on
men either

look no easy answers as you liked him and you miss the Passion and the attention and the hope

but I was mostly anxious and miserable for a year - and his selfish attitude that his problems were far more serious than mine really hurt me

I’m still not over him If I’m being honest
but the heartbreak has passed

id love to say I’m feeling hopeful to find another one , but his predecessor (no baggage !) also turned to shit

but better 3 months of this crap than a whole year x