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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separation anxiety advice

5 replies

justwingingit7 · 08/05/2023 10:12

My OH went out last night, only to his friends house for a lads night but I felt so anxious the entire time. I still do. His friends don't live close, so he left early afternoon yesterday and probably won't be back until late afternoon today. I know it's not normal to have been as anxious as I have been, my thoughts since yesterday have primarily been about him, what he's doing, if he even misses me, he's gonna realise he wants more time with his friends & that I'm boring, checking my phone for messages constantly, checking online status. It's all so ridiculous & writing it out makes me want to giggle at myself for being so silly. But knowing it's ridiculous doesn't help the thoughts invading my head. I know it's down to fear of rejection, abandonment issues etc but how can you train your mind out of feeling this way? Its almost making me dread him coming home (even though that contradicts all of my anxiety about him not being here) because I'm telling myself how unhealthy this all is, and it's making me question the relationship if I can't be away from him for one night without all these feelings. It's like I'm feeling anxiously attached and avoidant all at the same time!? Someone please kick me up the bum!!!

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 08/05/2023 10:14

You need counselling, to be able to tell your fears to someone.

AustisticandAnxious · 08/05/2023 17:52

This is a real thing and it’s hard!! I find it much easier now that I’m in a relationship with my partner and we have a child as he lives here so he will come home but that doesn’t stop the anxiety if he is late home from work ect. It used to be much, much worse with boyfriends I used to have as I couldn’t cope with the time apart at all as for all I knew they could disappear at any moment. I used to have the same thing with my mum though and used to be so panicked whenever she went out 😰

Thelnebriati · 08/05/2023 17:57

Anxiety is hell to live with, but the good news is that separation anxiety often responds well to CBT and should be available to you on the NHS. Contact your GP as soon as you can next week and set up an appointment.

justwingingit7 · 08/05/2023 19:02

AustisticandAnxious · 08/05/2023 17:52

This is a real thing and it’s hard!! I find it much easier now that I’m in a relationship with my partner and we have a child as he lives here so he will come home but that doesn’t stop the anxiety if he is late home from work ect. It used to be much, much worse with boyfriends I used to have as I couldn’t cope with the time apart at all as for all I knew they could disappear at any moment. I used to have the same thing with my mum though and used to be so panicked whenever she went out 😰

It's funny you say that, as it's a 'running joke' in my family that I was stuck to my mums hip until I was about 15! There's lots of stories of me crying my eyes out when she'd leave me with my nan for the evening, and I was apparently a nightmare when my stepdad came on the scene. I'm an only child and my dad popped in & out of my life as he pleased, then has since passed away after years of no contact... definitely think it all stems from childhood and abandonment issues. How do you deal with it now if your partner goes out?

OP posts:
justwingingit7 · 08/05/2023 19:10

Thelnebriati · 08/05/2023 17:57

Anxiety is hell to live with, but the good news is that separation anxiety often responds well to CBT and should be available to you on the NHS. Contact your GP as soon as you can next week and set up an appointment.

Not sure I'm ready to say it out loud and admit it! I just feel so silly.

OP posts:
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