Dating with chronic / invisible illness

[Jellyheadbang]

Hi, as the title suggests, I'm seeking opinions about and experience of dating when long term unwell.
I have several physical conditions which also incorporate chronic fatigue and also have adhd, plus kids with sen and some physical needs.
I haven't dated for a few years as zero capacity, been v ill throughout lockdown and kind of gave up on life altogether in many respects as our needs were unmet and all encompassing.
I have often thought I'll stay single forever now, but there's a small part of me that would like to try and make a relationship work.
Have been trying to incorporate lots of healthy changes and find small pockets of energy to start socialising again, lthough i pay for it thr next day, just in terms of energy expenditure and increased pain.
Im not doing online dating or anything as I find it makes me feel quite vulnerable, not knowing who I can really trust etc.
I've also never dated since my adhd diagnosis and awaiting Autism assessment too, and think these have had huge bearing on previous relationship choices.

Anyhow, point being, having been out more and seeing people has led to someone asking me on a date
I've known them since childhood. were good friends at school and share a wider social group so see each other infrequently at events and some social media contact over the years.
I like him as an old friend and always get on when we meet
a date with someone like that feels way less threatening.

I've said yes to meet up but don't want to misrepresent myself and my availability/ capacity.
I find because people meet me when I'm out , up and well, it can be a real shock to them when they see me at my housebound or bedridden worst, even having been pre-warned, or they try and pretend it's not happening and expect me to be 'on' all the time, or pissed off when I cancel things.

I don't want to go for a fun meet up with an old friend and go into a downer about my health etc
I'm v self conscious at home too because of all the aids I have!
I'm sure I'm overthinking it as this pre date stage but I have not dated because of all this 'baggage' so any feedback will be gratefully received.

If you’re messaging you could just drop a couple of things about the conditions into conversations.

I have been getting friendly with a guy and was thinking about asking him out, someone that we both know was telling me that he suffered a brain injury years ago and has some problems resulting. Obviously it’s none of my business but I think it would be nice to get the heads up.

Look out for abusers, they like to target chronically ill and disabled women.

I think it was after 3-4 dates I disclosed my health issues. I didn’t want to tell complete strangers or men I wasn’t planning to see again. I was fortunate that none who I told were put off, but if they had been, I’d rather have known before feelings developed.

Thank you all for sharing, @AbsolutePixels I have been there, men I dated after my marriage ended tried to make me reliant on them and 'grateful' I'm ssuresome of them thought 'she's do desperate for help she'll let me move in'.
I didn't. It is very difficult but I'd rather be alone and struggling than have those types around.

@Popcorn121 yes I agree, it's only fair for anyone to know what they are potentially getting involved with.
I have mentioned early doors online dating before and been ghosted immediately, which is a blessed relief finding out before investing too soon.
Not sure if this guy will have picked anything up from social media. I rarely mention it but have done in the past.

Similar happened last year, I didn't know the guy, a friend of a friend, we messaged back and forth for a while then I had to be straight and admit I didn't know how to fit in even a first date.
He was much younger too and very much into frequent going out and drinking.
This guy now has a quirky job, long hours and involves being away a lot so it might be a non starter from the beginning or it ccould be helpful he's not around much!
We shall see, im definitely over thinking as it's pre-early days bit of course it is a concern .

I have been there, men I dated after my marriage ended tried to make me reliant on them and 'grateful' I'm ssuresome of them thought 'she's do desperate for help she'll let me move in'.

Sorry you experienced that. Well done for sending them on their way.

Thank you. I ts been a real head clearer staying single for so long!