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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Newly single at nearly 30

22 replies

Drummend01 · 07/05/2023 10:19

Just looking for some words of encouragement really.

I am newly single at nearly 30 and although I know I’m better off out of the relationship, I find that I’m most sad about the future we had planned. My friends are all in serious relationships, most of them have a children and I can’t wait until that part of my life. It’s a bit depressing to be essentially starting again.

I hope others can share their positive experiences with being single at 30 to give me a better outlook

Thank you

OP posts:
powerpufff · 07/05/2023 15:56

I know exactly how this feels. I found myself newly single during the pandemic after a 7 year relationship ( about to marry have children) The saddest moment of my life.
It was so hard having to move out and start over .... When I felt ready to date again I put myself out there(dating apps). I was still going to therapy because healing is a process but I was hopeful and eager to meet someone. I decided to smile and be happy - I ordered new makeup and new clothes I even had a hairdresser come to my house to give me a new haircut
I took online dating like a part time job and it sounds pathetic but I want a family and a husband and I did not want to leave it to late ( you need to date if you wanna find someone- i was going on one date a week and only pursuing if I was sure) .
after so many bad dates, ghosting you name it... I met a wonderful man on Hinge and we have been together now 2 years
Hoping to marry and have children very soon

I don't know it you have the budget for it as money is tight for everyone at the mo... but if you can take yourself to boots and get some new makeup - the loreal paradise mascara is lovely - 12 pounds! Some nice lippy/ gloss
H&M and Primark have some lovely collections out now...

I wish you all the best

something2say · 07/05/2023 16:01

I'm in a totally different boat - 48, no kids and lucky to have never married. ;)

I say - treat this single spell as a STAGE. A year or two for you to -
Dress how you want.
Do exactly what you want - stay out, stay in, friends round, travel, sex with women / men, whatever.
Go places alone.
Eat how you want to eat.
Socialise as you see fit.
Plan all sorts.
Become the woman you want to be without someone looking over your shoulder trying to influence who you get to be.

Relationships always come along. The single stage in between is hugely enjoyable IF you know how to work it. In fact I always find it a relief tbh. Yes it would be nice to have a live in partner, but also I don't have to cook today, and I can go out later if I want to without someone getting jealous, and in fact I have yet to properly get up....

powerpufff · 07/05/2023 16:08

something2say · 07/05/2023 16:01

I'm in a totally different boat - 48, no kids and lucky to have never married. ;)

I say - treat this single spell as a STAGE. A year or two for you to -
Dress how you want.
Do exactly what you want - stay out, stay in, friends round, travel, sex with women / men, whatever.
Go places alone.
Eat how you want to eat.
Socialise as you see fit.
Plan all sorts.
Become the woman you want to be without someone looking over your shoulder trying to influence who you get to be.

Relationships always come along. The single stage in between is hugely enjoyable IF you know how to work it. In fact I always find it a relief tbh. Yes it would be nice to have a live in partner, but also I don't have to cook today, and I can go out later if I want to without someone getting jealous, and in fact I have yet to properly get up....

I also love this advice !

MrsSamR · 07/05/2023 16:16

I found myself single at 28 after my Uni boyfriend of 8 years cheated on me - I thought we were going to get married and have children and was devastated. I spent the next 3 years having fun and going out and doing all the things I should have been doing in my 20s and then met my now husband at 31. I'm now 37 and married with 2 children. Your situation while sad and destabilising is temporary. Enjoy yourself being single for a bit and you still have plenty of time for kids and marriage at not even 30!

Tartanpup · 07/05/2023 16:23

I became single at 29, I put off ending a toxic relationship through fear of being on my own. Like you, all my friends were in serious relationships and I was the only single one.

Many people in my friendship group who are in serious relationships are actually quite unhappy with their partners. This made me realise I was in a good position, being able to figure out being happy on my own.

I decided to work on myself and figure out who I really was, what I really enjoyed doing etc. I took the time to really nurture my friendships, find hobbies I enjoyed, taking day trips on my own, going on holiday with friends, spending more time with family.

Through boredom I ended up joining tinder and met my now partner. We live together and I’m happier than ever.

I’m so glad I took time out to focus on what was important to me. This could be the best thing to ever happen to you!

Matildahoney · 07/05/2023 16:29

I became single at 35, DH passed away.
I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, but wanted male company, not just an FB, met an amazing guy, nearly 5 years later we're living together and I'm pregnant with our first child.

ApolloandDaphne · 07/05/2023 16:38

My DD was devastated when her partner of 7 years broke up with her just before her 30th birthday. She had seen marriage and children in the future with him but he obviously didn't. 9 months on she says she has never been happier. She has revamped his she looks, lost weight, had her hair done, bought new clothes. She is going out with friends, going on holiday and enjoying life. She now dating someone 5 years her junior and seems utterly happy. She admits that she was probably stuck in a rut a bit with her ex and she has been able to take stock and get on with life.

LlynTegid · 07/05/2023 16:46

@something2say nothing to add to your wise words. Hope everything works out for you OP.

SunflowerTed · 07/05/2023 17:40

I found myself single at 30. Travelled, had fun and met my now husband at 38! Make the most I say ! Xx

SinglePonders · 07/05/2023 18:29

something2say · 07/05/2023 16:01

I'm in a totally different boat - 48, no kids and lucky to have never married. ;)

I say - treat this single spell as a STAGE. A year or two for you to -
Dress how you want.
Do exactly what you want - stay out, stay in, friends round, travel, sex with women / men, whatever.
Go places alone.
Eat how you want to eat.
Socialise as you see fit.
Plan all sorts.
Become the woman you want to be without someone looking over your shoulder trying to influence who you get to be.

Relationships always come along. The single stage in between is hugely enjoyable IF you know how to work it. In fact I always find it a relief tbh. Yes it would be nice to have a live in partner, but also I don't have to cook today, and I can go out later if I want to without someone getting jealous, and in fact I have yet to properly get up....

Are relationships this awful, that you have to make it into a special treat to do what you want? 😱

Also, if op / single person who wants a relationship, is random hook-up’s such a good idea?
Might as well use that time to find a compatible life partner.

To be clear, I’m not attacking this comment, it’s just peculiar comment to me.

something2say · 07/05/2023 20:13

Can you do exactly what you want within a relationship then? But yes, I have compromised too much, and that may be why I am single.

EarthSight · 07/05/2023 20:40

Matildahoney · 07/05/2023 16:29

I became single at 35, DH passed away.
I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, but wanted male company, not just an FB, met an amazing guy, nearly 5 years later we're living together and I'm pregnant with our first child.

How did you meet?

Mistressofnone · 07/05/2023 20:58

I became single just before my 31st birthday and remember feeling a sense of panic that it was too late to start all over again. 10 years on I wish I could tell myself how young I was!

I had a tough time dating again - got ghosted.. got the ick.. and repeat.

A self help book really helped sort my head out. Set some boundaries for myself and didn't let my standards drop. Nearly a year on I met my husband on a dating site. We got married 3 or 4 years later and now have a gorgeous 5 year old boy and 2½ year old girl.

DH does my head in sometimes of course but I'm so grateful for how it has all turned out. Take your time. You have embarked on a fabulous decade.

LdnReno · 07/05/2023 21:04

You're so young. It may not feel like it. I remember feeling 'old' at 30 and in a panic about being single when everyone around me was getting engaged, married & having kids.
I now sit here at almost 40, married with kids & i wish i could tell my 30yr old self to care less.
Everything can change quickly. Put yourself out there. Have fun.

Tresfren · 07/05/2023 21:25

I got divorced at 29, best thing I ever did. Stayed single for two years and really invested in myself and took time to understand how to avoid unhealthy relationships in the future.

Now remarried and pregnant 7 years later.

AssertiveGertrude · 07/05/2023 21:28

I was newly single at 30 but things moved along and I was married at 32 and two kids straight away (just over a year between them)
I have to say the next time around I took no nonsense and also was finally actually happy on my own

Summer2424 · 07/05/2023 21:35

Hi @Drummend01 i was newly single in my 30's. I wasted so much time on him and a previous relationship, in total about 7 years. But omg i'm so glad it happened otherwise i wouldn't have met my husband and had a baby.
Sending you lots of positive vibes xx

powerpufff · 07/05/2023 23:16

Tresfren · 07/05/2023 21:25

I got divorced at 29, best thing I ever did. Stayed single for two years and really invested in myself and took time to understand how to avoid unhealthy relationships in the future.

Now remarried and pregnant 7 years later.

💖

SoulG · 07/05/2023 23:25

Yep, you get used to it. Once you've settled into it and got over the initial shock and chaos, you come to realise it's an opportunity to spend time on self-care & healing.❤

StillWantingADog · 07/05/2023 23:27

I split up with my ex DP a few weeks before my 30th

I had a big bash despite feeling very down- it was a definite “things can only get better” moment and fairly sure that song was played!

I met my now DH around a month after that.

Original poster
Drummend01 · 08/05/2023 10:45

Thank you everyone, it’s nice to get reassurance that there’s still lots of my life to come, who knows what the future will be.

For now I’m spending more time with friends and family and learning to enjoy the time I have to myself.

Im really glad that things worked out for most of you, and for those that are still in this transition, I hope the same for us too 😊

OP posts:
bingks · 22/09/2023 19:26

This is such a positive, much needed message. Thank you for this. I'm 29, recently broken up with by my ex fiance (was gonna be March 2024 bride), and also been made redundant from my city job.

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