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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hate my husband. I am.pregnant with number2.

10 replies

Feelinghelpless20 · 06/05/2023 22:01

Hello. Sorry for this rant.

I have worked for 15 years and during this time I also supported the partner at the time we bought a house and did our wedding. I got pregnant within 4 months of marriage. He did hurt me a few times before the wedding but I like a idiot forgave and moved on.
He's nice not evil but he's also very selfish and arrogant.
At the time I had my son I was working in mental health and also in probation. I ended up taking up two jobs because I was sick of him telling me i don't earn enough. My family would look after my son for the day and I'd come and see him for 3 hours and then go to my evening shift till 1 am. I did this for 2 years and I got burnt out as my son wasn't a good sleeper either and I was the one tending to his needs non stop. Hubby was useless. He tried to help but didn't know how to and the child would.get more frustrated.

My husband kept telling me to leave my mental health job go into teaching as I'll be very good at that. Eventually I got sick of him and I started to hate my job and see the worst in and then left it. Within a week I started a masters course to become a teacher so I hadn't even given it deep thought. When I started the course I hated it, i was working at a distinction level. But I hated the course and the marking and planning etc. Just too much to do. I passed anyway. My son was very ill throughout this with horrible tonsillitis and reoccurring infections that would not be treated with antibiotics. It stopped working. Eventually we took him.provately through husbands work insurance and had his adenoids etc removed after they assessed him. His ears were blocked as a result of non stop infections too. Poor baby.

This was in 2021. I graduated and then I started looking for jobs but didn't know what to go for as I didn't want to teach the subject I trained in. I also felt like I was forcing myself to look for such jobs because in a way I felt like.i had to prove myself to him. Anyway I ended up getting into teaching assistant jobs becaus ei was too afraid to take up teaching I dunno why I just didn't trust myself enough to be able to do a good job. Last year I got a skills coach job but the company was sooo toxic I ended up leaving as mu anxiety went though the roof and the ceo bullied the hell.out me.further making me hate anything teaching related. All this time for about 2.5 yrs my husband was supporting our little family. I always kept hearing I am.sole bread winner. You don't know what you want to do. I have seen other women earn and look after five kids why can't you do it? Other girls r doing x y z and why can't you? I aim Hugh but I can't travel far because of you and our son as u don't drive. Anyway he made me fucking pregnant this year when I was looking for a job. I was sooo ill and I had and still do have hypermesis. I'm 6 months pregnant on anti sickness meds that make me so drowsy. I try my level.best I cook food and ensure house stuff is all done. He helps occasionally. He never cooks because be doesnt know how to. Just knows how to eat and shit it out..

Anyway today I said to him I think I need to start getting some baby clothes for the baby bag like sleep suits etc just incase and also I need to pack my hospital bag so will need to get something. Mind you I have never asked him for anything specifically. The only things I tell him we need is food for grocery when he asks. I don't ask.him.to get me x y z. I'm living in scraggs lol. Or my sister or mum help me sometimes. Anyway he just started moaning saying women always complain their never great full I am the only one paying for this brick and house. I cant afford everything. He's on a 50k wage mind you. Yes mortgage is abit high but isn't everyone's? He goes I can give u money end of month when I get paid I was like thats fine. Dont worry. Then he said it again I am.the only one paying for everything I go I just need a couple of things for the baby. Not alot. He goes I will go with my dad to the next staff discount Coz his dad works there and I hate his backwards chauvinistic religious dad who swears at women. I said I don't wanna go with him and next staff shop.wont have the same sizes its just random pieces and if your lucky you'll find something decent. Anyway he just went on and I started crying. He then went down and suddenly transferred money to me and said oh your being emotional which means you want to buy the things yourself. I go no it's emotional because you make me feel like an absolute shitbag who is sat here being lazy wanting your money. So I sent it back to him.and said stuff the money up yoir arse. I paid for absolutely everything when my son was born.he didn't pay towards anything. Until recently and my son is 5 and even then he counts like oh everything is so expensive. Like fuck you u skingey cunt. I cant wait to win the lottery so I can secretly buy a house renovate it and then quitely move out with my kids giving them a happy peaceful life where they grow into loving kind beings who don't judge people. I always fantasise about leaving him
When hes nice he's nice but when he's all cocky about his money he's a prick. I can't go anywhere at the moment. We are selling our house so hopefully next house eiwll be cheaper and I'll get some money from the sale to keep. I just feel so lonely despite being married. My dad sent me money today as I ended up crying to my family and they all said they'll help me. I go I think he expects me to just keep the baby naked the daft bastard. We're not flintstones I will need eventually buy her clothes. Which I obviously will when I get house sale money but its just awful.how men count the fuckers. Don't make women pregnant esp if u think its a pain providing for them. I wish i was working this time round too so I don't have to feel like I'm begging the bastard.
Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2023 22:05

You need to get divorced. As soon as possible.

Feelinghelpless20 · 06/05/2023 22:18

I can't though as I have no job or income. If I divorced him where do we go. Its also a Islamic marriage anyway so no court involved as its not been registered. The new house is 50 percent on my name. If I leave with the kids though, We've got no where to go. So for now I have to stay with him until I am in a stable job after my maternity is over. Just dreaming I have won the jackpot and I have left this loser. I just wish I could leave him though. Dreaming about it feels so good lol gives me a break. My son always dressed beautifully for 4.5 years until I got pregnant and sick ive not been able to upgrade his wardrobe. And that makes me feel like absolute shitbag coz his clothes are now wearing out or going smaller. Hubby got him some trousers from staff discount but they look shit like as if the material is worn out xoz they were sample items thats why cheap. Hes a fucking asshole. Doesnt understand.

OP posts:
tennesseewhiskey1 · 06/05/2023 23:01

You need to go. There are groups that help single mothers. Please don’t put your children through this - think of them. If you don’t think of you - please think of them. You need to leave.

Feelinghelpless20 · 06/05/2023 23:07

Everyone thinks the world of him. Hes got a great image infront of all my cousins etc and if I leave they will call me the ungrateful bitch because he is so nice. Yet I know how th belittling and reminders has effected me. I dont have a plan and dont know what would happen if I left. He can easily say I cannot provide for the kids as I have no income. I may get some benefits from government but not sure I'd they'd be enough. I know people struggle on benefits too.

OP posts:
Naunet · 07/05/2023 08:52

Feelinghelpless20 · 06/05/2023 23:07

Everyone thinks the world of him. Hes got a great image infront of all my cousins etc and if I leave they will call me the ungrateful bitch because he is so nice. Yet I know how th belittling and reminders has effected me. I dont have a plan and dont know what would happen if I left. He can easily say I cannot provide for the kids as I have no income. I may get some benefits from government but not sure I'd they'd be enough. I know people struggle on benefits too.

So what? You can’t stay in an unhappy marriageable because of what your dipshit cousins might say, they don’t have to live your life. How can your dad think the world of him if he’s having to give you money to buy things for the baby?

Noicant · 07/05/2023 09:11

You’ve got to stage one which is really recognising how awful your husband is. You can leave, you can do it, your family do sound supportive (your mum dad and sisters). If you own half the house and it’s up for sale now is a good opportunity to grab your bit and be gone.

CharityBargainTreat · 07/05/2023 11:30

I would investigate some contraception immediately after your child arrives, if you don't want any more children

CharityBargainTreat · 07/05/2023 11:32

Why don't you both have equal access to the household money/bank account ?

Do you claim child benefit in your name ?
If you live in UK, claiming child benefit, it pays towards the National Insurance "stamp" towards your state pension & other state benefits

Newmumma83 · 07/05/2023 11:40

Your family may surprise you, blood is thicker than water. Your true allies will present themselves … the rest are not worth worrying about , you don’t need fair weather friends and family you need the ones that will stick by you thick and thin and it’s only their opinion that matters . Sounds to me like he has been eroding your self confidence quite well the time you have been together .
he is trying to make you super reliant on him, you have paid the bills and had a kid and sounds like you did most of it on your own before … I bet you can do it again - he just doesn’t want you to see that. X x

Grammarnut · 07/05/2023 15:39

Leave him. You have one life, why should it be miserable?

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