Came out about abuse

[namechanged9999]

I left an abusive marriage 2 years ago. Abuse included:

1. calling my parents to complain about me when we fought knowing I come from a conservative background
2. threatening to take away my and child’s passports to not let us go abroad
3. wiping toilet with my clothes when we fought
4. name calling
5. making derogatory comments about an illness I have
6. bad mouthing me to common friends and isolating me
7. forcing me to leave our mutual home during the divorce due to openly abusing me in front of our 2 year old and staying in the 3 bedroom flat alone
8. stealing money from me and my house keys to lock me out
9. pushing and shoving

Those are just a couple of examples. Since I came out about this his friends have all unfollowed me on social media. During the divorce they all took his side anyway because he told them a whole story and I didn’t feel the need to justify myself or tell my part. I just let them all go and didn’t chase them to explain.

I am wondering how one person can have so much clout. If I had been told to unfollow someone I wouldn’t just take orders.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Why would they all turn the other way? Is it that they don’t want to know the truth?

How can someone be so convincing? Have you experienced anything similar?

DP is an abuser and I doubt any of his friends would believe me for one minute if I told them about his behaviour. They are all highly educated (mostly to PhD level). DP appears charming, kind and caring to most people. Leading a double life is one thing abusers are good at.

Have you been in touch with Women's Aid? They are very helpful.

The double life is often a factor of abusers.

I grew up in a very comfortable MC background with some lovely similar type neighbours.

All professionally, all living highly respectable lives.

One neighbour died recently, suddenly, and his wife is looking 10+ years younger, immediately.

When I was told this, I said I wasn't the least surprised, as his highly successful daughter left home immediately for Uni and never returned, and a friend of hers told me that behind doors he was a nasty, mean, controlling man.

To the outside world including me, he was a friendly, charming man.

This person, also a neighbour, was VERY surprised.

You really NEVER know.

My so called friends knew horrific stuff my ex had done. Yet when my affair was exposed he became a fucking saint..
I moved away. Best decision ever.
Except for the decision to ltb..

It might be that they're all being loyal to him because they don't want to be on the wrong side of him....they know how unpleasant he can be and so they all humour him and agree with him otherwise they'll get it in the neck

Yes. My stbx is abusive. He is adulterous and when he had a gf, he would be especially vicious to me. Mostly verbally but he would smash things up, shout and scream for hours. It was bizarre.

He attacked me last autumn. I momentarily blacked out. The dcs witnessed all his hysterical dramas and violence and are traumatised.

Yet his family and friends believe his sorry that he is mentally ill, that it is me who is abusive and so they don't even bother to see how the dcs are faring. Cowardly, weak people.

I do wonder what mental gymnastics they'll have to perform when he goes on to abuse his next partner.

You have to look at it as a total blessing that these deficient people are no longer part of your life. And that they actively choose to be part of an abuser's life. It illustrates so much about them and it's better they're away from you.