Living separate lives, what is normal?

[FuckOffBing]

Following a falling out, we find ourselves living separate lives in the same house. I don't think this a bad thing for a few days if time is needed to cool off before a discussion especially as arguments have got very personal in the past.

We just don't communicate very well, always feel the other is in the wrong. Logic tells me we are both right, fault lies on both sides. We seem to be unable to stop point scoring.

I'm looking for advice from anyone separated or struggling in their relationship, who live separate lives under the same house. For you does this mean communicating civilly about all responsibilities such as housework and children and working together on them because those needs trump your emotional ones? Or is it acceptable for one person to pick it all up and the other lives there own life. Shopping and cooking only for themselves. Going cycling whenever they want without a word. Getting up when they want every morning and leaving all childcare to the other person?

Does this mean the relationship is more flawed than the subject of the initial fallout?

Well yes of course. He is selfish. You are the default parent. Communicating effectively doesnt benefit him in any way, so why would he?

he gets back, you go out immediately. For the night.

Thanks for responding. I know you are right, my gut told me that but there is always the fear I'm actually seeing it all wrong.

I'd love to be that assertive, the guilt that the 'kids will kick off' if I go out prevents me. It's true they look to me for everything but there is a reason for that. If one of them is sick and crying they just get delivered to me if I've gone to have some time to myself.

Not a good relationship is it.

Not at all. You need firm
boundaries.

I was where you are, I'm now in the process of divorce. Life just became more difficult, most conversations veered into point scoring where being right became the most important thing. Any hint of discontent and he would absent himself by just being upstairs in the study all day, no thought to parenting at all, very selfish. I remember a feeling of wanting to make it right again but it was only ever me who put that effort in (or so it seemed) and it was just exhausting. I am delighted to now do full time parenting on my own, he can have as much alone time as he wants. After many many months of thinking it wasn't 'divorceable' stuff that we were tackling, one day I just thought yes actually it is, death by a thousand cuts!