Is it okay to go home early?

[Thesheerrelief]

I am visiting an old friend of mine, a four-hour drive from where I live. My four-year-old son is with me. I have helped my friend over the last few months with some PR and marketing for a book she has written. It's my area of expertise, although for a different industry, and I've given her a lot of advice as well as hands-on help. Her book launch was yesterday evening so I took a half day from work and we drove up because she had invited us.

We stayed at her place last night. She was out with her uni friends and I gave her mother a lift home around 10pm. Her husband and kids (slightly older than mine) followed a bit later.

This morning she has gone off to see her uni friends again and has been gone for a few hours. She said they travelled for the book launch but she'll have time to spend with us later on. I also travelled to be here so am feeling like a bit of a spare tyre!

We are supposed to be staying till tomorrow but I'm considering leaving this evening. It's been a really hectic few weeks at work and it would be great to have a day at home tomorrow to relax. Would I be unreasonable to make our excuses and leave around 5pm? My son is having a ball but I'm just hanging around waiting for someone who doesn't have time for me! I know it's a busy weekend for her so maybe I'm being unreasonable.

I'm not quite clear on what happened last night - she was out with uni friends, you were with her mum, then her husband and kids turned up? Did you see her at all yesterday/last night?

Briefly at the book launch and we went for pizza afterwards in a big group. Then we left about 10 pm and gave her mother a lift home because it was on the way back to my friend's house. Then her husband brought their kids home because it was getting late for them too. I wasn't expecting to see much of her last night because it was a very busy evening, but I did think we would spend some time together this morning. We are in her house, by invitation. But she had separate plans that she hadn't mentioned.

I'm very happy to be told I'm being unreasonable here!

Go home. She's wasted your time. Not a good friend.

Sorry op, she sounds like a classic user.

You sound like a fantastic friend. She doesn't deserve you.

I don’t think we know enough about her to say she’s a terrible friend but at this moment she is being inconsiderate and isn’t valuing you or your time. Spend a few hours with her this afternoon and then go home!

The reason I'm asking here is I'm a bit stung by it. It feels like she thinks it's okay for me to hang around until she is free, without mentioning that she had plans this morning. I don't want to overreact or cause an atmosphere by leaving this evening so I'm checking for other views.

I would feel a bit used as well. Sounds like she wants to spend time with you at her convenience. Which could be ok depending what she's normally like.

Nope, she's been really rude. I'd feel just as you do. Go home xx

I think you've more than done your bit as a friend and can definitely leave now. She seems to have overcommitted herself to various groups of friends and not thought it through.
I'm sure you'd rather be at home right now, so go without guilt.

Go home and enjoy a restful bank holiday Monday, sounds like you've done enough.

I think this is it. Overcommitting and assuming I'll be around when things calm down. We live quite far apart so when we do meet up it's by arrangement with our kids.

You've been a good friend and shown up to her thing. Go whenever you want - you've done your bit.

Very rude, but were you scheduled to stay for two nights?

Yes, scheduled to stay for two nights. I'm just hanging around in her house waiting for her to be free.

“I think you've more than done your bit as a friend and can definitely leave now. She seems to have overcommitted herself to various groups of friends and not thought it through. I'm sure you'd rather be at home right now, so go without guilt.”

This. You’re staying at her house so she obviously values you and perhaps thought she would have more time to spend with you. You sound like a great friend. She sounds like she’s over-committed in the excitement of the moment. I think it’s fine for you to leave.

Absolutely Ok, your time is as important as hers. I think it’s incredibly rude to invite you to her house and then for her to go off and see other friends.

You can't invite someone to stay and then go off and do something else! That's terrifically rude.

Do you know when she's coming back or are you supposed to hang around without knowing?

Being kind and with no previous history, I’d say she overcommitted herself. I suspect that she has been so happy and keen with the book launch that she didn’t think straight.

I’d go home, saying that you really need a day rest before starting the week again.

She is back now. We were going to go to a nature sanctuary but it's raining now so I think we'll have lunch, hang out for a while and I'll get on the road this evening.

How did it go OP?
Hope you are home now enjoying the rest of your weekend 😊

We got home just after 9pm last night. I'm delighted to have a chance to relax and a day with no pressure. We had lunch and spent the afternoon doing an activity with the kids. My friend was surprised that we left - and said she'd hoped we'd get to spend some time together yesterday evening! - but knows I've been on the road constantly the last couple of weeks with work and family stuff. She thanked me briefly for my help.

Thanks to everyone here for the comments yesterday. I'm glad I posted and it helped me to be balanced about spending my time in a way that works for me, without causing any ill feeling.