Ex keeps inviting me

[AllOrNothingSituation]

Ex keeps inviting me along on his contact time or on days out, totally get if you are friends and get on but me and him are not and don’t speak at all unless it’s regarding arranging contact, otherwise we don’t speak don’t have a friendship and he is blocked on my WhatsApp (we speak through text.) I’ve been told it’s ‘nice’ he is inviting me and it’s good for kids to see parents do things together? I don’t want to give my kids mixed messages and also he doesn’t come along on our days out. I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than spend any time with him. He invites me every time even if it’s just to the park but I’ve been told he’s just being courteous 🤔 like I said I get if there is a friendship but I dread being around him. Is this normal?

It just sounds as though he is bored on his own and wants you to come along and do all the work with the children

Yep, I agree with the PP.

He's not being courteous, he's being lazy and wants someone else to do the actual parenting.

Tell him to stop asking as his contact time is important for one-on-one bonding with his DC.

Haha 😂 like a unpaid nanny?

If things are so bad your don’t even speak then he’s either hoping you’ll do all the work or inviting you in a “well, I tried to make it better by inviting AllorNothing to the zoo/park/soft play but she said no” way to try and look like the good guy.

Fell into the trap of doing this with my ex, it was confusing for the kids, stopped us from having a clean break and moving on, so prolonged the pain of the breakup.
Don’t do it, just say - ‘thanks, but this is your time to spend with the kids’ then rinse and repeat until he gets the message.

Going against the grain here, but maybe he doesn't have the same feelings towards you as you do him and he wants to be amicable and feels it would be nice? I don't know..
I did a few day trips with my ex on both of our times with the children and to be honest, it was fine as much as I despised him by that point.
Depending on how old your children are, they're unlikely to get mixed messages. Mine are glad we do our best to get on and I have my ex here on birthdays etc now, despite both having new partners.
I highly doubt we will remain in contact at all once the children are grown up, but it is what it is now.

That will never be the case unfortunately I will never be friends with him as I just don’t think he is a nice person. Kids vary in ages

I Like this message, I keep declining hoping he will get the message but he doesn’t and even asks the kids to ask me “ask mummy if she wants to come” 🙄 I will say this next time he asks!

I invite my ex along it’s just a nice thing to do and I’m not fussed either way , it’s for the kids to show everything is all ok and amicable . It’s no big deal at all to me . He did say however it’s confusing him so I won’t do it again

Our relationship is a bit different if you generally are on friendly terms I suppose it’s ok, he has been fishing for information about me from them and stuff like that is annoying

I'd like to invite you along to me mopping the kitchen floor and then hanging the washing out.

It will be lovely to spend some quality time and it's not at all because then I can get you to so the work while I bum around.

It's not good for kids to see mum spending time with someone she doesn't like because she feels pressured.

Doesn't matter what's normal. Show your kids that respecting your feelings is the way forward in life.

Politely decline every time. It's that simple, regardless of his response.

I could have posted this last year about my ex! Exact same situation.

I know it was so I was the active parent on duty. He also I know was uncomfortable with people judging him after our break up and I think he thought if we were seen out together with the kids it would have made him look better. 🙄

I just kept saying "no this is your time with the kids" and I'd say the same to the children if they asked.

We HAVE spent time together on special days. Eg a few hours together on birthdays and on Xmas day (but the Xmas day we won't be doing anymore. I did two as youngest was soo young. This year we won't be doing that on Xmas day.)

I won't be a mum that can't be in a room with the ex. I want the kids to know special days that we can he in the same room together.

But he's not my friend. I'm not happy to hang out with him. I'm not going to play happy families. I'd be in "mum mode" while he was in fun dad mode. When I'm not there he has to do it all and rightly so.

My ex has stopped asking now. Just keeping saying no.

We can’t do special days together as 2 birthdays he has said he is coming then hasn’t turned up so I don’t agree to special occasions anymore we have to do those separate on those days, Christmas we live to far from each other thankfully 😅 and I wouldn’t risk him not showing up and upsetting them on Xmas but otherwise that’s not too bad spending those days together if they are reliable

I agree that he is using it so you do the hard graft while he does fuck all. Just do what others have said. This is his time to parent. You do the other 90%.

Thats my feelings on it. I genuinely don't think he is doing it to be nice or show the kids we can do things together. I've started coming to the conclusion that either doesn't like being alone with them and wants help with them or he doesn't like me being alone and getting time "off". If it was a two way thing then fair enough but he doesn't come on our days out and a couple of years ago I fell out of the bath and really hurt my back I could barely walk and was struggling to look after the kids and I texted him to let him know and he ignored me so no we don't have that type of relationship!

It sounds like he doesn’t want to put in the work to parent his kids by himself! 🙄
Just keep saying ‘No’.

This.

As PP said, it’s not courtesy, it’s laziness. It’s good for separated parents to be on civil terms but I think it’s a bit confusing for children if there’s lots of quasi-family time. Keep saying no.

Yeah that’s where I draw the line, civil but no days out. He often tries to invite himself in the house and doesn’t seem to like me keeping him at the door. I do think it’s because he is bored as kids said he was sleeping in the cinema/ playing on his phone probably wanted someone else to keep an eye on them.

My ex is the same, too. I don't know what the answer is but I'm glad other people have this issue too, because I thought I was the only one.

Yes I think not wanting you to have time to yourself is another motivator.

Mines no help when I'm ill either. 🙄

They're exes for good reason. Why would we want to go on jolly days out with them?! 🙄 No thanks.

Who initiated the split? I assume it was OP?

I have a very different take on this from my own personal experience. It seems clear that he can take the children out on his own, so I strongly suspect the reason he is inviting you is because he is trying to keep the family unit together with a possible view to reconciliation.

i invited my ex regularly to spend time with our children on my contact time and on overseas holidays because I wanted to keep the family together. She chose not to join, and as a consequence missed out on a lot of fun activities with her children.

No it was the other way round he left me which is what makes it so odd, so you don’t get to have the family experience when you are the one who decided to leave. I don’t mind missing things with my children I’m with them all the time he only sees them one day a fortnight and no overnights so I see the time away as a break and it’s nice for them to do things without me.

Ah, ok - that info changes my perspective. I mistakenly thought it was the other way around and he was doing this to try to keep open a door to reconciliation (as I did).

Perhaps he is trying to salve his conscience then….