Constantly ruminating following separation

[Helpots]

Apologies that I'm posting on here quite a lot but just trying to find answers and possibly help myself.

H left me 6 weeks ago today and my mental health has nosedived. I am seeing a counsellor, I have professional MH support and awaiting CBT

I've been told my my GP that I have reactive depression

My problem is that I am ruminating about him and our marriage constantly. From the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep and then even in my dreams. I am exhausted with it - I'm flipping between analysing why this has happened, intrusive happy memories and then wondering whether he'll come back even though he's made it clear that he isn't.

I can't stop talking about the situation constantly to anyone I come into contact with. My 20 year old DD is sick of me.

Is this normal? Even when I try to distract myself it's there in the back of my mind. And if it is normal, how long does this last for?

If it was sudden, unexpected and a huge shock then I would think it would be totally normal to be thinking about the whys and wherefores for quite some time. Assume you were together for a long time if you have a 20 year old daughter.

Hope you can get some help soon to get you through this awful time x

Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. It will take time. There is no shortcut.

In the interim, try as hard as you can not to dwell on it in conversation as eventually you will wear down people’s patience.

If you can afford it, pay for a therapist - which will give you a safe space to unburden yourself.

When you're telling the story in your head, you never get to the end, right? You just replay parts, without a coherent 'whole'?

Ruminating can be a way of protecting yourself from the grief of what’s happened. Six weeks is such early days.

How are you doing in terms of looking after yourself? Basic self care, seeing friends, doing things you normally enjoy, movement etc..

Yes it’s normal
I did this for a long time
Journalling can help as it’s another outlet

Writing your thoughts and feelings down can be very cathartic and can stop you from constantly talking to others about it. You can be as angry, rude and vitriolic as you want when you write it down. I found it helped.

you are just emotionally hurt, how on earth a stranger even though gp will tell you , you suddenly have depression. It is a grief process after people lose someone they loved and accepted as a relative. Take care of yourself but be aware that grief is a natural emotional response to loss and is not depression.

I came on to post something very similar OP.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

My H left almost 4 weeks ago, and it was all the things that @mcmooberry mentioned (sudden, unexpected and a huge shock).

I am in a pretty constant state of rumination and confusion too, along with struggling to accept things are definitely over despite him being clear.

Sorry that I don't have any helpful advice OP. If I find any I'll let you know and in the meantime please know you're not alone x

@IAmBreathing I am so very sorry to hear you are going through the same situation, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I've had a couple of crappy times in my life, but this is the worst.

Is your H in contact with you at all? I've met up with mine today, feel like I've had a few questions answered but still ruminating since. He wouldn't give me straight answers when I asked if he was missing me and our family etc. told him that I may have to consider divorce in a few weeks, I've asked him to think about whether this is what he wants long term or whether we can work things out over time (we've had non-stop toxic arguing for 8 months before he left).

Are you getting a lot of support from those around you? I've bored the life out of my girlfriends and my mental health has and continues to be poor

I'm here to listen if you wanted to message me x

@DoraDunebug my friends have been wonderful, as have my family. I had to take 2 weeks off work (I'm a divorce lawyer - it's too close to home), I've lost over a stone in weight as struggling to eat but still getting up, showering and make up on (my 80 year old mum wouldn't have it any other way!). Thank you for your kind words x

I don't know about this specific situation but have had quite a lot of problems with ruminating and intrusive thoughts in the past.

Have you tried setting aside a period of time each day when you can think about these things?

I suffer a lot from brain chatter and find listening to a lot of engrossing audiobooks etc while I'm going about my day helps a lot. I also found that in the shittest times of my life where I couldn't do much, I could escape into a book

I'm sorry if these don't work for you. But as you are doing all the sensible things like seeking therapy, there might be a thing or two to distract the mind day by day.