Abusive DP or am I overreacting?

[Magooo]

Been with DP for 8 years, we have two DC and I have two DC from previous marriage.

He’s always been a bit of a bully, very ‘traditional’ male with ideas about how people should behave. He can be mean and angry.

Various things have happened over the years, mainly him shouting and ranting at me, accusing me of things, telling what I should and shouldn’t be doing etc etc. My older DC have said they feel he’s EA towards them and terrorises the house. There’s other stuff which I can’t think of at the moment. I have a DV support worker.

Anyway last week he punched me in the leg in anger. He’s never hit me before. He apologised and said he was going to get help. He’s been really nice since until last night. He’d had a few glasses of wine, I was messaging on my phone and he accused me of cheating, demanded to look at my phone and said I was a narcissist. He then went downstairs and sent me weird memes about narcissistic behaviour and said everyone says he shouldn’t trust me, I’m a sneak etc etc.

I was really scared. I didn’t know whether he’d continue. I was shaking and called the police from the bathroom, they came and asked him to leave the house. I’m now feeling really confused. Did I overreact?

No. You are not overreacting. You and your kids are not safe with this man. You have a DV support worker - speak to them and make a plan to get out safely with your children.

My older DC have said they feel he’s EA towards them and terrorises the house. There’s other stuff which I can’t think of at the moment. I have a DV support worker.

You must know you're not overreacting. This ^ is the point you should have left. Not remembering specific examples in the moment is a very common coping mechanism - we have a tendency to sweep things under the rug. But your older DC, I feel so sorry for them living like this. How long have you had a DV support worker?

You need to work with them to leave him, immediately.

No you didn’t - he crossed a new line, and was t even sorry instead he tried to make you think you were at fault and to blame by calling you a narcissist - when he’s the one showing that behaviour.

you should be proud of yourself calling the police, I believe you could now get something to stop him coming near you or entering the home? If so I’d highly recommend doing this, use this incident as a way to escape him.

This behaviour will ruin the rest of your childrens lives and shape them forever unless you can get away from him.

We have officially split but he is still in the house until it sells. It’s a really horrible situation and Im
trying to keep things on an even keel until we can leave.

Get out, OP. Get out now, for you AND for your kid's sake. There will always be a part of me that cannot comprehend why my mum allowed us to be a part of the abuse. You and your children deserve to have a happy household, and it will never be with HIM there to terrorise you all. Be your kid's champion.

Sorry just saw your post. Glad you're getting away, but it's just awful women are forced financially to stay with abusers. Why can't he fuck off whilst you all wait for the house to sell?

No, you didn't overreact.

His behavior is escalating: he's started hitting you. He'd had a drink and was emotionally abusing you. You removed yourself and he continued. What was going to happen next?

You did the right thing.

What are you going to do now?

You absolutely did the right thing OP. You very clearly showed him that his behaviour was unacceptable, well done.

How has he been since?

He’s not come back yet. I’ve been up since 6am worrying about what’s going to happen when he gets back. He won’t shout I don’t think, I imagine he’ll laugh at me and shake his head saying how crazy I am and how I’ve crossed a line or something like that.

Obviously he's abusive and you and your DC should live apart from him. But just to add that 'everyone says' is yet another manipulation tactic. Trust me, 'nobody says'.

Do not back down from this abusive cunt.
He will make you feel insane, because gaslighting narcissists love to tell their victims they're the narcissist.

Get him the absolute fuck away from you all as soon as possible.

I promise you, this isn't you, he is an abusive bastard and you should never ever feel crazy for not allowing yourself to be punched.

NOT A SINGLE HUMAN ON THIS EARTH SHOULD PUNCH YOU. WHY IS HE DIFFERENT?!

Thanks. He’s still not back. I think the police are going to contact me today.

Overreact?

Your poor poor children.

Try thinking about them and how stressed they must be.

Your children have told you they feel abused, and you think you are overreacting?

Your poor children.

You are under reacting op. You need to sell ASAP. What action have you taken to sell up?