How do I know if it's over

[Vjjeiknmiw6377]

Background - Been together 8 years, 3 young children, due to get married next year.
There's no issue as such, more nagging doubts. I want a partner, an equal, someone who will take care of me sometimes, not a fourth child. I don't feel like we bring out the best in each other any more. There's no physical relationship currently, I believe partly because I feel very insecure about myself, but partly because I don't feel the attraction on an emotional level. I also recently discovered he'd lied about some finances which led to us being in quite a difficult situation.
Bottom line is I think we might be together out of convenience, together because we're together if that makes sense. If we split up I don't know how I'd manage financially, I've looked into what support I'd get and I'd barely have the bills covered, then if he paid money to help support the kids he'd be left with very little and would most likely need to live in share accommodation and therefore wouldnt be able to have the children for more than a few hours out. My parents have also paid the majority of our wedding costs and I'm mindful they'd lose money if we cancelled.
How do I know? Is this as good as it gets? Am I looking for an ideal that doesn't exist? I don't even think this makes any sense

You are looking for an ideal that doesn't exist like you say. Unless you are movie star gorgeous you are not going to get an ideal bloke willing to take on 3 children. I'd advise you to be realistic.

I don’t know, perhaps some good men wouldn’t mind especially if they have kids themselves… but would you even want to go back to square one and find this ideal man when your focus will/ should be on your young kids?

It can be risky introducing a new man to children for various reasons. But if you see your partner as dead wood who’s weighing you down and you’d be happy to separate and be single for a significant period of time that’s another story.

Maybe you could both be happier if you worked on yourselves and perhaps attended counselling. Breakups aren’t easy on anyone including the children involved. Sounds like the relationship is salvageable.

First of all, your parents wouldn't want you to marry someone you're not happy with because of money.
Secondly, it will be difficult financially if you split up. That's true for most couples. But it sounds like financially he's not been the most reliable so you could get into problems anyway if you stay together.
Three children can outvpressure on a relationship.
From your post it looks like you've stopped any sexual relationship. How does he feel about that? Do you think itscposdible your low self-esteem is,affecting your mood and making you feel negative?
If he could change and pull his weight (not saying he ever would), would you still want to be with him? Is there any way you could make him do his share?
If we asked him, what would he say about your relationship? And what faults would he lay at your door?
Divorce is hard but so is staying with someone who you don't love. With three children there are no easy options but both of you deserve to be happy and not resentful in your marriage. So I'd definitely have a good think and work through what's causing this crisis in confidence. If it can be fixed and you're both willing to put in the work, of course that's best for all of you. If not, then that's the end.