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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

stay or leave?

15 replies

eucerin · 05/05/2023 22:35

I wonder what would other Mumsnetters do? For past 4 years I have been in a v strange relationship. I got divorced from ex and started new relationship with much older man (early 60s) me mid 40s. Beginning was great. He moved in with me ( I am renting) all seemed going well. He wanted to get married, me freshly divorced not so much. He wanted me to move to his house but I did not like it there. All is dated and too much of previous life there. He did not want to refurbish. He said if I don't like it I can refurbish it since I got my money, I said ok I will invest in his house through refurb in exchange for shares in it (solicitor's suggestions) - he said no to that idea. I received my divorce settlement and he thought I will invest in a separate property with him. I had no plans to buy a house with him, I wanted something modest for my future or just wait and see how life pans out. He got all angry about it. I also thought since he has adult kids and we have none together maybe best each of us has their own place.
Once he realised I am not interested in buying a house with him everything has changed. ( I was willing to refurb his house ) He withdrew sex, has really short fuse, we do not go on dates, we do not do anything together and he constantly moans about money, how everyone seems to have xyz and he doesn't. We live in a rental which he hates and says it affects his mental health. He doesn't want to rent anymore and wants to force me to move with him to his martial home. He sold his car and drives mine but constantly complains about not having a car of his own. He is on high salary but moans how hard done by life he is. We do not go on holidays together. He goes with his mates, I go with my mother. I just feel like he is punishing me all the time for not investing money with him. All his money stories are very confusing. I am tired. I am getting to the point where I want to leave. I feel this has no future. Perhaps he just saw me as a money support and free carer? Perhaps I was supposed to just fit into his old house like a wife swap?
What would you do?
I tried talking - he doesn't want to talk.
I suggested therapy - doesn't need therapy.

OP posts:
Menopants · 05/05/2023 22:38
season 5 episode 3 GIF by BBC Three

In the bin

Itcouldbeworsethanitis · 05/05/2023 22:40

Leave him and love your life

eucerin · 05/05/2023 22:43

I hear you. What is wrong with these men?

OP posts:
Pansypotter123 · 05/05/2023 22:43

Leave.

coffy11 · 05/05/2023 22:43

It's a no brainer. Leave.

Pansypotter123 · 05/05/2023 22:44

I mean, what do you get out of this "relationship"?

Cherryblossoms85 · 05/05/2023 22:46

In the bin

Jingleballsup · 05/05/2023 22:46

You have one life! You know this deep down or you wouldn't be asking. Leave and don't waste any more time with this one. Good luck. Xx

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/05/2023 22:47

He wants a Nurse with a Purse op. Get rid.

EndsandBegins · 05/05/2023 22:49

He had a view of the set up he wanted with you and you don’t want it (why would you?) Call it off now.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/05/2023 22:54

He moved into your house, didn't he? Time for him to move out. Tomorrow would be a good day to do it. Honest to God this man really does see you as a nurse with a purse.

Mari9999 · 05/05/2023 22:55

@eucerin ,
Are you so desperate for a man that you have settled for this main. You have not mentioned any positive things about him, and in truth he may be just settling as well.

Nothing about this situation screams love or even like. It sounds like 2 people just using each other for purposes of their own .

If you are going to settle, why settle for an unpleasant man?

Pixiedust1234 · 05/05/2023 22:55

I just feel like he is punishing me all the time for not investing money with him.

You are correct in your feelings as he is punishing you. So what do you want to do, write him a big fat cheque or walk away? Personally I would run away from him, as fast as my little legs could go.

Watchkeys · 05/05/2023 22:59

eucerin · 05/05/2023 22:43

I hear you. What is wrong with these men?

This is just one man. Who cares what's wrong with him? What's wrong with people who smoke around kids, and people who put kittens in plastic bags and people who push into queues...

Doesn't matter. Just stay away from them.

Toomanylatenightprogs · 05/05/2023 22:59

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/05/2023 22:47

He wants a Nurse with a Purse op. Get rid.

This. He’s marked you down to provide in his retirement.
If he’s in your house, tell him to leave and change the locks. Block him on everything.

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