help with this age old problem

[amitheproblemhere]

i have always been very close to my sister.
she's had quite a difficult life relationship wise and i guess we have always thought that we were supportive to her. looking after children dogs etc
she has had a partner now for about 8 years and if i'm honest i cannot stand him but i have honestly bent over backwards to try to get on with him.
trying to keep things short i have included him in holidays he's met all my friends and enjoyed dinners etc at their homes.
Over the past year I realise that i am
really excluded from their lives.
they came to my daughters weddings last year and she also invited his grown up children
his son got married the year before but none of us were invited because of supposed family dynamics with his ex wife although it transpired lots of his friends went.
Since then I have not once been allowed in their house ( it's actually my sisters house)
Obviously i am somehow a problem but i'm finding it hard to be pleasant to either of them because i feel so hurt and angry.
i don't have many friends i think i maybe overly relied on my sister for social interactions and now i feel bereft
i'm actually going mad i think about them obsessively all the time
i do know i'm the problem but i really don't know how to move on

Have they specifically told you you're not welcome into their house?
8 years is a long time to be with someone so is this a sudden deterioration in the relationship or has it been like this the whole time?
It's nice that you supported your sister when you think she needed it but I'm not sure it's appropriate to say you minded the dog for her when she was single and needed the help but now, 8 years later, you was owed an invitation to her partner's kid's wedding or she owes you some kind of social life because yours isnt that good without her.If you didn't want his adult children at your kid's wedding, there was no need to have them there.
Instead of wasting energy on being obsessively mad at her/them, why don't you use it to build up new friendships of your own so you're not so overly reliant on her.

yes i know you are right but i'm not sure how to get over it .
he's gradually got more and more control but she obviously isn't opposed to this.
in fact she seems to have gradually grown to revere him
i'm mad and i need to grow up

I'm sorry, it sounds like sour grapes that it's gone from her needing some support and you being there for her when she was single to her meeting someone she loves, wants to be with and is building a life with and no longer needing your support so much.
What reasons do you believe its a control/revere relationship instead of just a normal happy one?
Are you truly concerned she is in an abusive, controlling relationship?

yes i think he dislikes me and i must say i don't blame him as i behave terribly at times like a big sulky child.
I don't seem
able to control myself . it's awful and i intend to be different but then i just revert back to being awful.