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having an only child

5 replies

Slug · 24/04/2001 15:30

I don't think you should feel guilty for only having one child. I come from an extremly large family - I'm one of 11 - and none of my siblings has chosen to have more than 2 children, all late in life. My partner is an only child and I have never met anyone so secure, happy and self-contained. I put this down to an extremly good relationship with his parents.

Few people speak of the downside of large families. Although I get on very well with most of my siblings, given the chance we would have all chosen to have come from a smaller family. Quite apart from the lack of material posessions, which never really bothered me, it was the fact that parental attention was spread over so many more of us. I was lucky if I had a conversation with my mother once a week. Essentially we were left to get on with bringing up ourselves. I don't mean to say I had an unhappy childhood, but I am always envious of my friends who can relate to their parents as friends and equals, who can have an uninterrupted conversation with them, and who's parents can remember events in their lives.

You should never feel guilty about being able to give your child so much of your attention.

OP posts:
Jbr · 24/04/2001 22:15

I have just one and he is fine I think anyway. He was in nursery from when he was young so that he spent time with other kids and had them to play with, and he could learn about sharing etc. Then I lost my job and bang went the nursery (until I got a new job and managed to get him into a nursery that is attached to a local school, where he will be going in September anyway) and I felt guilty because he wasn't in the best place. Being at home with me with no other children to play with wasn't good for him. Other than that I haven't felt bad about having one child.

Rachel1969 · 30/04/2001 11:32

Hi
My name is Rachel Halliwell and I'm researching an article at the moment on this very subject for the Daily Mail.
I'm trying to find someone who has a baby and intends them to be their only child so that they can concentrate all their time and resources on that child.
I'm also trying to find someone with a teenage child who they chose to have as an only child to talk about the affects they feel that had on them.
Please - can any of you help me by featuring in the article. I would be happy to read it back to you so that you are happy with what goes in.
Uf you can help please email me at [email protected]
Bibi - I'd really love to talk to you. WOuld you mind getting in touch?
Thanks in advance
Rachel

threeangels · 02/04/2002 22:32

I feel it is a persons choice to have what number of children they want. The problem I have is that what happens when the parents have passed away and the child is left behind. It would really be a help knowing another sibling is there to lean on. I know there can be other relatives but there is nothing like having a close brother or sister to go through healing with. I have one brother and I dont know what I would do without him. Ive even wished many times in life that I had a sister to hang around with. I think it is just wonderful to have a sibling to talk to about life. I have 3 children because I wanted them to experience the joy of growing up with brothers and sisters. Even if it was just one. One thing that I am very excited about is the day when I become an aunt by blood for the first time. Having one child should not be looked down on though. Everyone has the right to choose the number of children they would love to have.

XAusted · 16/05/2002 21:20

I am an only child myself and that's why I have two children! I wouldn't have wanted my first child to be an only one. I lost my mum when I was a child and my dad's not in good health. I know when he dies I'll feel very alone! Saying that, I think being an only child can make you more mature and self-reliant but these are not always positive qualities.

Lindy · 16/05/2002 21:31

I have deliberately chosen to just have the one child and I really don't agree with the comments about having brothers & sisters makes it easier in later life - I know it can be wonderful to have siblings that you get on with - but what about the situation when you have siblings,but don't get on with them - I and my DH are in that situation & it is very, very hard. Perhaps we are both 'odd', but we have a very wide range of friends, old & new, different ages, backgrounds, interests etc & we are definately not the sort of couple that 'closes itself off' to the rest of the world (far from it !!) but we both are experiencing very painful relationships with siblings, in my most rational moments I know that this is just a very unlucky coincidence, but when I look at my DS I can't help but think 'I don't want you to go through this sort of trouble'.

Of course, I think it is absolutely essential to ensure that our DS has a wide range of activities & opportunities to make lots of friends - but remember, you can choose your friends, but not your family.

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