"Can you give us a lift?"

[MrsSnape]

I know I have posted about this before but I'm getting all stressed out about it. I know its petty, unimportant and boring but please bare with me and don't shout at me

I posted a while ago about my "friend", I took her everywhere in car from shopping, to school, home from school, into town, away at weekends...she never offered petrol money and just "expected" the lifts as if it was her car too.

I then got rid of the car and she stopped calling me, stopped coming around, made friends with someone else who became her new "taxi" and began boasting to me about all the great places this new friend had taken her when she knew I was sat at home bored and depressed because I missed my car so much.

Anyway a couple of weeks ago she was going on about being bored (her new friend is away) and I replied "I know, I can't wait until I get a car" and she spun around quickly and said "I can't wait until YOU get a car either!" she said it as a joke but obviously meant it really...she expects the taxi service to resume even though she hasn't bothered with me for months.

Anyway to my point... I've recently got the money for a new car but havn't told her. I'm sick of being used by people and simply do not want to have to taxi her everywhere again. I'm getting the car this week but I find myself getting all stressed about it, the kids are excited so will inevitably mention it to her and I've had to stop myself from saying "don't tell her" which I know is childish.

Thing is, I'm already fretting about how I'm going to "hide it" which means I can't take the kids to school in it, can't go shopping on the days she shops, can't go straight to my mum from school as she'd see the car...

And its ridiculous, I'm going to be paying shit loads of money for something I can't even enjoy because I know someone else will hijack it.

I'm actually hoping to get the car tomorow and the kids have asked if I will take it to pick them up in from school tomorow which would be a nice suprise for them but I just KNOW she will be watching and will come running up and say something like "oh finally! you have a car!" before beckoning her son into the back seat...somewhat spoiling the suprise for my own kids.

I suffer from social anxiety and low confidence so the worry of this (however silly it seems) is really stressing me out but I just know I won't have the 'balls' to just tell her she can't get in.

Am I just being ridiculous?

I would just say no, but i can be quite blunt,you could say you don't have enough petrol and if she offers to pay for some(haha) then just say you really can't be bothered/are busy doing xyz.

Mrs Snape - no you aren't being ridiculous. Of course not!
I think you might find it very beneficial to have some sort of assertiveness training. there might be a course run locally by adult education/ home start. It could teach you some useful techniques for dealing with this sort of behaviour from others.

MrsSnape just keep practicing saying the word "no" and don't be scared to use it! You don't even need to justify or explain why you can't give her a lift, just say "oh sorry, no".

I don't have a car, there is nothing wrong with using public transport to get to places, don't let her use you any more!

WTF?

Just say no.

If you are not used to saying no, it might come out the wrong way. Like it's a big deal or something. Practice saying no easily but directly. Something like:

Oh, do you mind if I don't get into the habit of giving you lifts again? It didn't really work well for me last time around and I don't want to create any expectations I can't oblige.

If you cant say it face to face,send her a text. Just say you are really skint as you've had to shell out to buy the car so won't be able to use it as much as you'd like/help other people out, so if she'd like a lift you're afraid you'll have to ask for petrol costs. Or hand her a selection of local taxi cards and a local bus timetable!!! Good luck - I'm no good at standing up for myself face to face either!

Take a deep, deep breath and say calmy to her 'as I haven't seen you for months I assume you're made other arrangements for lifts. See you soon'. And leave. The cheeky cow. Or what Quattro said. Practice it in advance

BUT she can only use you if you let her. PLease don't let her again

They are taking the piss ! a true friend wouldn't treat you like that.

One or two of the mums at my son's nursery don't drive. I sometimes offer one of them a lift - as do some others some of the time - but she absolutely NEVER asks nor expects it. That's what's normal; not assuming, and being grateful !