Sick of my partner

[FibroMummy]

Abit of background before my rant, myself and partner have been together for 11 years. I'm not currently working due to my health which is rapidly declining since my fibro and arthritis diagnosis. We have 2 DC aged 9 and 6. I just needed abit of a rant or an offload. I feel so alone, I do everything round the house, I get up with the children every morning get them ready for school, do the breakfasts, help pack there bags and take them off to school, mostly he's still in bed at this point. He has to be told what needs doing even if it's clearly visible the washing basket is full of there is dishes in the sink. Even when I have explained what needs doing it's a case of yea I'll do that for you (like he's doing me a favour or doing it just for me) or I'll do it in a minute. At least 9/10 I will end up doing the task as he's never got round to even starting it. I do all the cooking, all the washing and 99% of the housework as it would appear to me he likes to live in a pig sty. I'm really at my wit's end, I see now way out of this, we share a home with our children, he has no family he talks to anymore as he burnt those bridges years ago, so I don't feel I can ask him to move out. I wouldn't want to make my children's dad homeless but I also don't want the upheaval of moving myself and 2 children especially when I already suffer with my health. I've tried talking to him to the point I'm in tears as I'm so run down and overwhelmed but nothing gets through to him. He will listen and then it's straight back into his pc or Xbox. Like seriously what am I suppose to do?

What’s the living situation? Jointly rent? Or own? Does he work?

Jointly rent through housing association. No he doesn't apparently gave up work to care for me but does nothing to help in anyway shape or form

Tell him to go back to work

Happy mum happy kids. Kick him out

I've done that many times. Might aswell talk to a brick wall.

OP There is no magic formula. He has to go back to work or it will end in tears. This is a deal breaker because you are ill and he is not. Work or leave.

Not sure how it works with jointly renting through housing association, hopefully someone comes along who does. is he claiming carers for you? If so ring up and tell them he isn’t caring for you at all!

No he's not as he doesn't provide 35 hours of care a week. I mean not even 35 minutes. I don't understand someone who doesn't want to work just because, I'd love to go to work and not feel so isolated but with my health conditions limiting me and childcare being an issue as he can't cope with having the kids I don't really have much hope.

Down tools. Can't believe he's not working and doing nothing else either, lazy sod. Sort yourself and the DC out, anything for his benefit is an immediate no. No cooking for him, no washing his clothes.
Let the house get untidy for a bit, see if he notices. At the moment he's not doing it because he expects you to. You could claim you are too tired, just dig in and leave stuff.

Throw him out. Try to find a job where you can work from home around the kids/ your illness and hire a cleaner to help you. Your rent is cheap so that should help make it manageable. He won't change, don't live like this.

Your partner is an addict. Same solutions as any other addiction; it’s not your fault, you didn’t cause it, you can’t fix it. Give him an ultimatum and then see it through.
He’s a heavy millstone around your neck, get rid.

Please ring Women's aid for advice.

You are vuland being abused.

He needs to leave.

Do not allow him being their father get in the way of getting him out.

You are being used.

so sorry this is happening to you, I totally understand how you must be feeling.

as PPs have said, he needs to get a job, you are at crisis point. That is really the only solution here, that will enable you to work on your relationship.

if he was working FT I could understand why the household chores have fallen to you (not saying it’s 100% right, but would at least have a thread of logic to it)
but the fact he ISNT working without a reason and playing video games all day is ridiculous! This would boil my piss, I’m writing this furious on your behalf!!

IMO - give him an ultimatum- he gets a job and you both work on your relationship - or he leaves. Non negotiable.

Honestly, by the sounds of it - your life would be easier without him the way things are currently.

If it’s looking like you’ll have to ask him to leave- perhaps look at some PT remote work that could be manageable for you to help regain your independence and confidence.
but please don’t take up work and still let him live with you, as your own position will worsen.

I would absolutely resent a man like this in your position, you must have the patience of a Saint.

good luck OP 🌸

You need to make a decision, continue prioritising someone who treats you as an option by putting up with this crap or getting rid of someone who is a burden.

The person you want him to be isn’t waiting around the corner.